“Are you sure that there isn’t anywhere that we can find Cheddar?”
Olivier looked up at me, rubbing his beard. “I think the closest place is England,” he said.
“You’re hilarious,” I said.
“Why? What is that you want to make?”
“Mexican food,” I said. “I’ve had a craving for it ever since I moved here. In Colorado, I could just go to a Mexican restaurant, but there is a sad shortage of Mexicans here.”
“Oh.” Olivier shrugged. “Well, I’m sure that we can find some sort of substitution.”
That was about 2 1/2 years ago. Since then, I’ve become an expert at fusion cooking. It started with a taco salad. No sour cream to go on top. Instead, I had to use crème fraîche. Since I had no grated Cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese, I had to use Cantal.
We found some taco seasoning & salsa in the fancy section of the grocery store, where all of the imported food is kept, like peanut butter & microwave popcorn.
The funny thing was, it wasn’t bad. It was good enough that I had become bolder. What could I make next?
Breakfast burritos? Only one problem – Chorizo sausage in France isn’t sold in the same form as it is in Colorado. In France, it’s dried & is more like pepperoni. It just isn’t right for burritos – not like spicy hot breakfast sausage. No big deal, we just ran to the Muslim butcher shop downstairs & picked up a bunch of Merguez sausage. Removing it from the casings is a wee pain in the arse, but totally worth it. Until you’ve had Mexican food made with French cheese, Arabic sausage & prepared by an American, you just haven’t lived.
Of course, when I want to make a pepperoni pizza, I have to get some Chorizo.
Whenever I’m in the states, I have to stock up on spices. Dried mustard, chili powder & red pepper flakes. Cajun & steak seasoning, lemon pepper, onion powder, garlic salt. When I need orange or lemon peel, I grate the skin of an actual fruit – no handy little jars of it to be found here.
Cans of Manwich mix are about 4 fucking Euros (that’s more than 5 bucks, in dollar-speak) at the stores in Paris that specialize in selling imported American food. I’ve duplicated the recipe perfectly in my own kitchen. Sure, it’s more work & French hamburger buns are smaller, but it’s still a Sloppy Joe, right?
If I want a Reuben sandwich, I make my own Thousand Island dressing. Corned beef is a rare find – there are only a few stores that sell it. At the Carrefour, I can find it in the kosher section after I’ve elbowed a couple hundred people out of my way. The good news is, the roast beef can be found in the same place – along with the horseradish.
Of course, trying to make chile rellenos has so far been impossible & I would mug your grandmother if it would help me to find some real graham crackers for the graham-cracker crust of my cheesecake. But…well, fuck it. I don’t have any actual cream cheese, anyway. Your grandmother is safe. For now.
[tags]food, cooking, France, American, Mexican, humor, fusion, Carrefour, French, spices, Colorado, kosher, Sloppy Joe, Manwich, cheese[/tags]
Cooking old favorites overseas is quite a challenge. In Indonesia I finally settled for bean and cheese or potato and egg tacos because finding pork meat was such a pain. In Germany I am enjoying the amount of pork available! My husband makes a lovely stuffed bell pepper, that seems to satisfy my craving for Chile Rellanos. Not the same but works until the next trip back to Texas.