Annoying Americans, Volume 3 – Ordering Food

Ok, so imagine this: a group of people that you don’t know come over to your house for dinner.  They don’t speak your language very well – they expect you, as the host, to comprehend everything that they say.  They point & pantomime, occasionally spitting out a few words that you can understand.

This group of strangers gag when they see the food that you set before them.  They balk in their foreign tongue & ask for other food items that you’ve never heard of, as those things exist only in their country.

They’re obnoxious, rude & don’t understand what the problem is.

Of course, the problem could be that they’re naturally assholian, but it’s more likely that they’re just ignorant.

Which is worse?  Um… does it matter?

I’ve seen this happen here in Paris.  It’s fucking painful to watch.  American tourists in restaurants & cafés who haven’t the slightest clue about ordering food in France. To be fair, it can be confusing.  However, I’ve mentioned before the importance of shelling out a few bucks for a fucking phrase book before setting out on a vacation to a foreign country.  A phrase book isn’t just important for asking natives where the cheap hookers can be found – it’s also helpful for ordering food.

Phrase books aren’t the only source of information – there are plenty of websites that might be worth taking a look at before you set out on your trip.  Granted, a lot of those websites seem to have been written by snobs, but there is still some halfway decent information to be had there.  Having a little halfway decent information is better than having none at all & being a tard.

Wait, there’s more – I’m not finished.

As most people are likely aware, many people in France like to eat these:

& these:

It’s understandable that a lot of people wouldn’t want to eat either one of these things.  Personally, I think that they’d be missing out, but a trip to France doesn’t automatically mean that you have to eat it.  Just order your goddamn hamburger or whatever & get on with your life.  Whatever you do, don’t voice your revulsion at a high volume when you see it on someone else’s plate.  Just shut the hell up while I suck on my snails & stop acting like you’re having dinner at the Temple of Doom.

I have had dinner at the Temple of Doom, by the way.  I would have killed for a plate full of freaking snails as opposed to what I actually ended up eating.  Don’t ask.

Right then… last thing – this is important.  If it isn’t on the menu, then there probably isn’t any point in asking for it.  If you order a salad, don’t try to customize it with Ranch dressing on the side & bacon bits – it isn’t going to happen.  Don’t order a dish & tell them how to prepare everything – you’ll only succeed in implying that the chef doesn’t know what he or she is doing.  That’s a good way to shit the bed in a country that prides itself on their knowledge of food.  Trust the chef – they know what they’re doing.  If you came to France for Ranch dressing, then you don’t.

I mean, seriously… if these jackasses can do it, anyone can.

[tags]France, restaurant, food, Americans, tourists, French, escargots, frog legs, temple of doom, humor, rant, Paris[/tags]