I’m Calling Bullshit on Your “Writer’s Block”

“Writer’s block? I’ve heard of this. This is when a writer cannot write, yes?  Then that person isn’t a writer anymore.  I’m sorry, but the job is getting up in the fucking morning and writing for a living.”   — Warren Ellis

“There’s no such thing as writer’s block.  That was invented by people in California who couldn’t write.”  — Terry Pratchett

*

Here’s the thing about writer’s block: it’s bullshit.  If someone says to me, “I have writer’s block,” then what I hear is: “I’m not writing”.

So many people believe that writer’s block is real. Some even believe that it’s a disease.  A disease. Sorry, you don’t have a disease. Cancer is a disease. Scurvy is a disease. Your blank page is not a symptom of a medical condition. You do not have a disease. You have laziness. You have fear or insecurity. Perhaps you’re out of ideas. Or, maybe you just can’t write. Maybe, deep down, you don’t really want to write at all.

There was a time, some years ago, whenever someone would ask me what I was writing – or if I was writing anything at all – and I would usually answer with, “Oh, lately I’ve been battling this fucking writer’s block…”.

It was bullshit. Complete and utter BULLSHIT.

So, why did I say it, then?

I was writing. I was writing almost every day, in fact. Was I happy with what I was writing? Well, some of it. The problem had nothing to do with what was on the page – the problem was me.

At the risk of sounding like a whiny shit, it’s necessary to provide just a bit of background, here. Now, while I have been writing various things since I was just a wee tiny Ras, I’ve been mostly on my own as far as my own personal writing path is concerned. I didn’t have much support with it from family when I was young and to this day, I still want to puke when I look back and think of friends reading something I wrote, laughing to the point of tears, wrinkling the pages that I poured my sweat & soul into, orating in loud and mocking voices.

After a while, I stopped showing those pages to people. I stopped telling people that I was writing… I stopped saying the word “writer” when talking about myself. I still sat at the desk, banging on the keys. I still carried a notebook & pen around with me. The stack of notebooks grew higher. The desk drawer of stories grew full.

It was my dirty little secret: I was a writer.

Like most dirty little secrets, it got out. To be more accurate, it escaped. This isn’t the kind of thing that you can just keep hidden away forever. Eventually, it is going to make itself known. People are going to find out.

That… and I just stopped giving a shit what people thought, or whether or not they were supportive.

But, I still didn’t know what my goals were. I hadn’t yet decided what kind of writer I was. I hadn’t yet grown comfortable enough with my writing voice to let it shout from the rooftops. I was an adult, but my writing self was in its insecure, adolescent phase.

Ergo, when someone inquired as to what kind of a writer I was, or what I was writing, it was much easier to use the excuse, “I have writer’s block”.

Of course, at the time, I didn’t realize how fucking lame and amateur this sounded.

This is why I know that writer’s block is sometimes just a term that we use for that monster under the bed, that fear and insecurity that the writing just isn’t good enough – that we just aren’t good enough. That cliché that says “you can’t bullshit a bullshitter”, well… it’s true and I call bullshit on this so-called “writer’s block”.

*

“People have writer’s block not because they can’t write, but because they despair of writing eloquently.”  -Anna Quindlen

“I think writer’s block is simply the dread that you are going to write something horrible. But as a writer, I believe that if you sit down at the keys long enough, sooner or later something will come out.”  -Roy Blount Jr.

“If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.”  -Margaret Atwood

*

One of the most absurd reasons for writer’s block that I’ve heard is, “I’m waiting for inspiration”. Waiting? Seriously? So… part of being a writer – if I understand this concept correctly – consists of sitting around on your doughy ass while waiting for this “inspiration” to just come careening out of the goddamn sky, where it will eventually come crashing through your skull, into your idle and waiting brain.

Well… I’m pretty certain that nothing is going to be able to hit you in the head – it seems that it’s planted too far up your ass, where it’s busy romanticizing the notion of “inspiration”. Get a grip. Writing is work, not divine “inspiration”. Okay, I’ve got to move away from this one because… well, really, I could mock the shit out of this one all day long. These jokes will just keep writing themselves into infinity if I don’t lay down the kibosh. It’s just that retarded.

*

“Inspiration is a word used by people who aren’t really doing anything.”  — Nick Cave

“Writer’s block is a condition that affects amateurs and people who aren’t serious about writing. So is the opposite, namely inspiration, which amateurs are also very fond of. Putting it another way: a professional writer is someone who writes just as well when they’re not inspired as when they are. ”  — Philip Pullman

*

Some people complain that they have writer’s block because they’ve “run out of ideas”. I have to admit that I do not understand this. I’m assuming that this has something to do with the “waiting for inspiration” crap, but I just can’t see how anyone can get anything written at all by simply loafing around waiting for ideas, inspiration and magical fairy godmothers.

Or… perhaps they’re just worried that their idea for a novel or story is a dreadfully shitty one.

To be honest, your idea may very well be shitty. We’ve all had shitty ideas. Trust me – I’ve got a rather embarrassing King Arthur story from 15 years ago hidden away to prove it. Some of those shitty ideas evolve into brilliant ones. Or, they simply teach us what not to do… like staying away from horrible fantasy fiction, for example.

If it weren’t for terrible story ideas, I would never have realized my ability for writing humor.

The point is, a shitty idea is no reason to wuss out with that whiny writer’s block excuse. Besides, the ideas may be there and you were too busy bitching about your imaginary “block” to notice.

*

“You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we’re doing it.”  -Neil Gaiman

“If you’re going to be a writer, the first essential is just to write. Do not wait for an idea. Start writing something and the ideas will come. You have to turn the faucet on before the water starts to flow.”  -Louis L’Amour

“There is no such thing as writer’s block for writers whose standards are low enough.”  -William Stafford

*

Now, am I saying all of this to encourage you to write? Not at all. I’m not tough-loving you. It does not matter to me if you write or not. Whatever is keeping you from writing, it’s within you. You can fix it, or you can give up and go do something else. Yes… it really is that simple.

If you’re a writer, then write.

If you’re a writer, then nothing is going to keep you from writing.

If you’re not a writer, then grow a pair – admit it to yourself, shut the hell up and go do whatever it is that you were meant to do.

So You Want To Be A Writer

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

– Charles Bukowski