Star Wars Burgers & the Everlasting Star Cheese

A couple of months ago, I got a few messages from friends back home in the States about this:

Oh… & also, this:

For a few days, the Internet was abuzz with various articles about the Star Wars burgers in France & Belgium. Not surprisingly, those articles were riddled with comments from all of the very smart Americans who made it their mission to correct the spelling of “Dark Vador.” Even the very smart writers at Huffington Post were confused as to why the name was “misspelled.”

To avoid that here – & to prevent me from having to make fun of you – let’s clear it up right away & make it known that the character’s name in France is Dark Vador. Okay? Got it? (This translation prevents his name from being pronounced like “Dart Vah-day.”)

Now, then… moving on. As soon as Olivier & I found out about these, we knew we had to give them a try. We don’t eat at Quick very often & the closest one is about 30 minutes away, but we decided to make an exception.

The first problem was, the dates on the advertisement didn’t apply to the Quick in our area. Possibly, they were dates for the same promotion in Belgium. So… we waited. We kept an eye on the Quick advertisements & as soon as they arrived, we drove to the Quick in Chartres.

When we got there, only the Dark Burger & the Jedi Burger were available. The Vador burger would be available a month later. Okay, no problem. We immediately made plans to return in a month to get our weird, black-bunned burgers. I ordered the Dark Burger & Olivier got a Jedi Burger & as an added bonus, some cheesy stars. Cheesy stars!

There was some mystery surrounding the Jedi Burger. What was it topped with? What could those mysterious chunks poking out from under the bun be? Big onion chunks? Cheese curds? Apple chunks? Marshmallows?

Seriously. Marshmallows? Sorry, people don’t eat a lot of marshmallows around here. Cheese curds? This isn’t Wisconsin. Cheese here might come in a wheel or a block, a slice or a slab, but never a squeaking curd.

As underwhelming as it is, it’s just chunks of cheese. Chunks that are melted by the time you actually have the burger right in front of you. Like most food, the real thing has nothing at all to do with what’s pictured in the advertisement.

As far as the taste, it was mustardy. The bun was heavily dusted with flour & it was filled with cheese & a mustard sauce. This is all according to Olivier, who was able to provide me with feedback on his Jedi burger when he wasn’t otherwise occupied.

The Dark burger, much to my surprise, had a reddish-orange bun. I guess I couldn’t really see that in the ad, but I saw it right away when I opened the box. I saw somewhere, in the comment section of one of the aforementioned articles, some speculation as to what might be on the bun. Special spices? Bagel seasoning? (What is bagel seasoning?)

Well, prepare to be underwhelmed again. It just had some poppy seeds on it.

There was a black pepper kind of mayo in it. As far as I could tell, it was the exact same black pepper mayo that Quick uses for some of their other burgers, like the Quick ‘n’ Toast, which is what I typically order from there when I do go to Quick, so… really, the Dark Burger didn’t taste much different than my other visits to Quick.

I have no idea why the bun was reddish-orange. I’m guessing it’s just food coloring, since there was no special taste.

But that isn’t what you want to know, is it? You want to know what in the hell is up with that funky black bun, right?

Prepare for more disappointment.

Like I said, we made plans to return the following month so that we could try them out. Yes, we were actually willing to put those things in our mouths & bodies, in spite of the fact that neither one of us really gives much of a shit about Star Wars. (C’mon… it’s not like they were Star Trek burgers, people.)

Unfortunately, Quick fucked us. Usually, the limited edition burgers last for one month. The Dark Vador Burger? Four days. FOUR FUCKING DAYS.

Which made me think… maybe it was a little too weird for the French public to justify putting it on the menu for a full month. This wouldn’t surprise me at all. I mean, these guys feel revulsion at things like blue cake frosting or peanut butter, so the black bun might a be a bit much for anyone who’s not a full-on Star Wars nerd.

But, we did get cheesy stars. Did I mention the cheesy stars?

I’m willing to bet that we’ll get another chance. I’m sure that the next time George Lucas releases a Star Wars movie in 3D, there will be some bizarre fast food item or black bunned burger being sold in Europe that I can eat for my American friends back home.

Until then, I think I’ll be eating normal, green-colored salad. I think I might still have some star cheese floating around in my system.