People Are Full of Shit, So Don’t Let Facebook Bring You Down

I keep seeing these articles all over the place. You’ve probably seen them, too. Using various combinations of words and pictures, they all say the same thing: Facebook is making people feel sad. Depressed. Unsatisfied. Unhappy and lonely. The list of negative sentiments goes on and on.

My knee-jerk reaction to the headline was, “Okay, this is just more whiny, paranoid bullshit about the evils of the internet.” Then I decided to actually read the article. It doesn’t matter which variation of this article you read – the gist is the same. Facebook makes people feel bad because of our absurd human tendency to measure our failure by our perception of other people’s success.

But here’s the thing: we’re comparing ourselves not only to everyone else’s highlight reel, but to their bullshit, too. We’re often looking at our real selves, our real lives and holding them up against personas that are not real. A social media profile might be a window into the life of a person, but that window is obscured by a carefully measured and flattering window dressing.

We all do it.

I do it.

Here’s my author photo. It’s on the back cover of my books, my Facebook author page, my Amazon page, and a few online lit magazines. Oh, and it’s on the header of this site. It’s the photo I use when I’m being all official and authorish.

But the reality of my everyday life looks more like a slovenly shit in sweatpants with unwashed hair getting busted while shoving a galette de roi into her gob.

My husband and I had a good laugh about this pic, but after the laughter died down, I began to hate it. Yes, I see that it is funny – the clownish part of me finds it hilarious. The insecure part of me thinks it is horrible and homely. But I don’t look like this all the time any more than I walk around looking like my author photo every day. The reality about everyone is that we’re all existing somewhere in between our best and worst photos.

Unless it’s Facebook, then most of us are existing on the more flattering end of that spectrum.

But comparing ourselves to others doesn’t stop at physical appearances, does it? Of course not. We feel the need to hold our own lives up against that other person’s relationship or home. Their career. The super-cool trips they’re taking while we’re slogging away, trying to save up enough dough for our own dream vacation.

Hey, I get it. I’m a writer. We’re among the worst when it comes to comparing ourselves to others. We do this shit without Facebook. We live with a constant stream of rejection while simultaneously watching others succeed. We’re constantly reminding one another to stop sabotaging our self confidence with all that useless comparing.

My physical appearance is not the only thing that might be skewed by my social media image.

Five years ago, my husband and I took a two-week road trip around western Europe. Since we live in France, we did not travel an incredible distance. Because we spent half of the trip sleeping in a tent in various campgrounds and ate canned food that we heated up on a tiny camping stove, we did not spend an exorbitant amount of money. Two days into our trip, I became very ill and spent the rest of the vacation determined to enjoy myself, in spite of the sensation of shattered glass grinding throughout my ears and esophagus that kept me awake every night.

At each country I visited, I picked up a postcard and a tiny gift to send to a friend back home. A part of me felt guilty that I was able to explore and experience these things, even though I had no reason to feel guilty for enjoying my life.

I wrote blogs about my experiences during that trip and posted photos on Facebook. My intention was not to show off, but to share the good, weird and ugly that I had seen.

I called my friend.

“Hey, I haven’t heard from you. Did you receive the package of souvenirs we sent you? Did you receive any of the postcards? I sent 5 or 6 of them.”

She’d received everything. She’d seen my photos. Then she spat vitriol at me in regard to my “perfect life.” I tried to explain that we camped, didn’t travel an extreme distance, that I’d done the same sort of road trips in the U.S. and this hadn’t been a luxury getaway.

It didn’t matter. The truth of a person’s life is irrelevant compared to our own perceptions.

That’s when I decided, “fuck it.” My life is not perfect. No one has a perfect life. However, it is pretty good and I’m not sorry for it because it has been an absolute hell in the past and very well could be again in the future, so I’m enjoying the happy while I’ve got it.

And you should, too.

I occasionally get sick. I get migraines. I don’t post updates on Facebook whining about them. I take my migraine medication and have some quiet time. Facebook is the last place I want to be when I get a fucking migraine.

I have to do shitty things, like clean the goddamn toilet. In fact, I have to clean my entire house. I don’t feel the need to update all my Facebook friends with these activities. They’re not worth mentioning. This information is boring and I do not need regular recognition for doing basic grown-up things.

I cry sometimes. People I care about fucking die on me and it hurts. I don’t take to Facebook when this happens because I often prefer to sniffle and sob privately; more attention can make the hurting worse. It makes me feel awkward and weird on top of feeling sad. Not to mention that I would never cheapen the life of a deceased loved one by making their passing or their funeral into fodder for my Facebook page.

What I’m saying is, I don’t use Facebook that way. A lot of people don’t. That in no way means that they are better than you, happier or more successful than you. They’re no worse than you, either, so don’t get cocky.

I’d be lying if I said I’ve never ended up feeling really bummed out after spending some time on Facebook. Usually, I end up feeling annoyed, amused or indifferent, but sometimes Facebook is just a horrible reminder of disintegrating friendships or severed family connections.

The good news is, I’ve found something that is very easy to do in times like these, it takes effect almost instantly and works for everyone.