When you have a blog, you throw your website address up in all kinds of dark corners of the internet. When you’re an expat with a blog, you register your blog site with various expat sites. It’s just a thing you do. Late last year, the content editor from one of those sites contacted me out of the blue asking me to contribute to their series of expat interviews. In essence, she’d send me a questionnaire and I’d take time off from banging around in my own wordsmithy to write her something for free in addition to sending some of my photos so as to provide content for her website.
Truthfully, I don’t mind doing things like this. I like doing things like this. However, Content Editor ghosted after I’d sent her the completed interview. That seemed pretty rude, but I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. People lose track of things, they get overwhelmed with life, or have their legs chewed off by a pack of hungry wolves. I get it. So, as I usually do in these situations, I sent off a brief follow-up. Often, the person replies, apologizing for the delay, along with a short explanation about serving as a chew toy for hungry wolves. I received no such reply.
That’s just fucked up. Ghosting in any situation is selfish and shitty behavior. Especially after reaching out to a stranger and asking them to do something that costs their most precious and limited commodity: their time.
I deleted my account, and am posting the completed interview here, so now it’s free content for my website. Enjoy the free content. And don’t ghost people. Be straight with them. Because they’re people.
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NAME OF YOUR BLOG:
Rasmenian Detritus
Introduce yourself (name or nickname, where you are from & where you live now):
Hiya. I’m Rasmenia Massoud, an author and blogger from northern Colorado. I’ve been living abroad for around 13 years, spending the first 10 years in various parts of France, and have been writing and living in England since 2015.
- Why did you move abroad?
Back in the pre-social media internet, I made a few email friends. Modern age pen pals. One of them was a French guy who happened to be just my kind of weird. After a bit of flying back and forth, we decided one of us should move. For a long list of reasons, it ended up being me.
- How do you make a living (working? Tell us about your experience)?
I’m a fiction writer, so I sell the occasional story here and there. I’ve also written a few books that I sell in the usual outlets as well as my online store. When I’m not doing the fiction hustle, I write bits of nonfiction and informational stuff for assorted websites.
- How often do you communicate with home and how?
The amount of communication with people back home is never as much or as often as I’d like. The means of communication have been constantly evolving since I left Colorado. I used to call and exchange lengthy emails, but now it’s been whittled down to sporadic, bite-sized, social media comments and texts. I prefer those lengthy emails, or better yet, FaceTime. However, trying to set up times to talk with personal schedules and time zones can be challenging.
- What’s your favorite thing about being an expat in France and the UK?
My favorite thing about being an expat in France probably has to be the varying landscapes and climates. Drive a few hours, and everything around you is completely different, right down to the taste of the baguette on your plate. My favorite thing about being an expat in the UK, aside from returning to my native language, is more difficult to pin down because I really dig living here. If I had to choose one thing, though, I’d have to say my favorite thing is that England is a sort of middle ground for an American who’s become accustomed to life in France. I don’t feel as homesick for either place as much when I’m here in England. I can find American things here, as well as French things. And since my husband is French, it’s a neutral territory that we can learn to navigate together.
- What’s the worst thing about being an expat in France and the UK?
The worst thing for me about being an expat in France was the loss of my personal space. The concept of the personal bubble changes from one country to the next, and Americans like to have a larger personal bubble. I like mine to be about the size of a minivan. I found myself being nudged, bumped, and rubbed up against everywhere from the Paris métro to standing in line at boulangeries in rural villages. The worst thing about being an expat in the UK is the weather. I’m still not accustomed to all of this rain. I had to break down and buy a raincoat. All those years I spent in Colorado, I never owned an umbrella or a raincoat. Now I’m always worried I’ll be outside somewhere without them.
- What do you miss most?
I miss so many things about Colorado. The Rocky Mountains. Colorado sunsets. An abundance of dry, sunny days, even in winter. The laid-back demeanor and love of the outdoors. Red Rocks Amphitheater, summer nights at the drive-in, hanging with my friends, sipping on local beers, and camping. Oh, man… stop me now. There’s so many amazing things about Colorado to miss. Also, back to all the rain in the UK – I miss being dry.
- What did you do to meet people and integrate in your new home?
I might not be the person to ask about this one. I’m not sure how well I integrated in my old home. I tend to feel more comfortable whenever I happen upon an Island of Misfit Toys. I’ve never been one for knowing how to meet people, or for putting forth the effort to do so. It would sound cool to say something like, “You don’t wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel,” but the truth has more to do with poorly-honed social skills and anxiety. That said, I have found MeetUp useful for seeking out people just to sit and have a pint with, or other outings with people who are like-minded or have similar interests.
- What custom/habits do you find most strange about your adopted culture?
I don’t find much to be strange about the UK. It has its quirks, sure, but nothing that flabbergasts me quite like some of the things I observed and experienced in France. There seems to be a strong aversion to wall-to-wall carpeting. Many in France experience sheer terror when faced with air conditioning, but shrug off deadly black mold.
- What is a myth about your adopted country?
France, especially Paris, for many people, is a fictional place. It is a mythical land where every man is handsome, every woman thin and stylish, and every child a golden-faced, well-behaved cherub. Champagne, roses, and macarons are everywhere you look, nary a white sneaker or fashion faux pas in sight. The reality, especially once you venture outside the Paris city limits, is that French people are wonderfully flawed human beings like the rest of us who come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they even eat junk food, gain a few pounds, wear regular clothes, and have bratty children. Isn’t that a relief?
- Is the cost of living higher or lower than the last country you lived in and how has that made a difference in your life?
Right now, I’m living in Brighton, UK, which is significantly less expensive than Paris. It’s also less expensive than Denver, which was more affordable when I was still in the states 15 years ago, but the economy in Colorado has drastically changed since then. For the time being, it hasn’t made much of a difference aside from adding to my lack of desire to leave Brighton any time soon.
- What advice would you give other expats?
Learn to be okay with feeling awkward and spending time with yourself. There are a lot of learning curves, especially if you have to learn a new language. You will not always get things right. You will use the wrong word. You will do things like getting lost because you took the wrong bus or train. You will have to speak to strangers in a broken and mangled form of the language you are learning and sometimes, this will feel silly or dreadful. That’s okay. That’s part of what you’ve signed on for. Also, even if you’ve made the move with another person, or with your family, expat life can still be very isolating and lonely. This comes and goes, and is also part of the ride. Learning how to be alone with yourself makes this easier, and also improves your interactions with others when you’re not so isolated.
Lastly, take advantage of where you are. Be curious. Keep your eyes open because you will see so many new and amazing things. Eat weird food. Listen to local music, watch some of the local television, and don’t be afraid to ask questions of the locals about their home. Most people are happy to answer when you take a genuine interest in them and their country.
- When and why did you start your blog?
I started blogging before I realized it. From 2003-2004, I sent out a weekly newsletter via email which spun out of control and evolved into a GeoCities website before moving to a MySpace blog in 2006, just after I moved to Paris. In 2007, I started the WordPress site I have now, which has also gone through a few incarnations over the years. When I started my first newsletters and website, I just wanted to tell friends stories of things I was doing while trying to make them laugh. Over time, after I moved abroad, there was still some of that motivating me, but life abroad alters your perspective and world view so much that I found myself wanting to share those lessons and observations. And you know… I’m a writer. I have stories to tell and enjoy sharing them with whoever is kind enough to read them.
