Rasmenia, Author at Rasmenian Detritus – Page 15 of 42

The Ride to Delphi

April 29, 2011December 2, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

We climbed aboard the bus to Delphi and took a gander at the other passengers. A few elderly couples, a few 40 or 50-somethings. A woman with her nose in a book and one couple with a little boy. All together, there was only about 20 of us in the group."We lucked out," Olivier said. "The bus isn't even half-full and there's only one little kid, who doesn't seem annoying."Me and my husband, we're just not kid people. I watched the little boy, who leaned across the aisle toward his father and said, "Excuse me, Dad, but why are there no buses that fly?"I nodded, satisfied. "Yeah, I think we're good."The door closed. The tour guide introduced herself. It would be a 3-hour trip to Delphi, where we would see the archeological site, then the museum, then lunch.Our guide spent the 3 hours recounting various tales from Greek history; several Greek myths relating to Apollo and to the various sites and...

Anniversary in Athens

April 15, 2011December 2, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

Five years. Five years since I've worn a dress. Five years since I've had my feet in a shiny new pair of girl shoes, standing next to a crazy French man in a funky pinstriped suit with a pink ribbon in his hair. Five years since we stood there next to one another, in la mairie du 18éme arrondissement in Paris, listening to some very official-looking guy who rattled on in French. I barely spoke any French at all then, but it seems that very official-looking guy was jabbering on about wedding vows. I didn't really understand any of it, but apparently, we got married that day.I've read that the typical gift for a five-year anniversary is wood. Fucking wood? Sure, wooden things are nice, but, um... no thank you. Usually, on our anniversary, we'll go away for the weekend, or pick a really nice place for dinner because Olivier and I really dig a nice quiet atmosphere where we can be alone....

Philosophy, Foul Fruit & Facial Hair in Athens

April 5, 2011December 2, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

It was almost midnight when we jumped on the bus at the airport in Athens. The ride from the airport to the city was long, but the bus moved fast, whooshing us past hundreds of signs written in Greek that we couldn't understand. A little while later, we reached the terminus and stepped out on to the street. Standing there to greet us: a man in a suit with a soul patch. The silvery-metallic sheen of his hair, the same as his suit. His purple shirt was unbuttoned way too low - like, Bee Gees low."Taxi?" He leads us across the street to his car, throws our suitcase in the trunk. I crawl in the seat behind him. Olivier gets in next to me. Soul Patch gets in and his seat is reclined so far that he's almost laying down. Thanks a lot, Soul Patch. We tell him we're going to the Apollo Hotel on Achilleos street. He lights up a cigarette...

Stay Away From the Weird Writer Woman

March 18, 2011November 23, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

If you have a little girl, don't let her grow up to be a writer. You'll only regret it. Here's what could happen: you could end up with a weirdo. A weirdo who sits alone in her room, scribbling in notebooks. A weirdo who you wish would try a little harder to be "normal". But instead, you've got this strange little shit, sitting in her room, organizing these stacks of notebooks as if they actually meant something. When her birthday rolls around, or Christmas, you hope that she'll ask for one of those cute little fluffy whatever-the-hell those things are called because that's what your friend's daughter wants and they're the same age, so... you hope. But, no. Your little freak asks for a typewriter. Never mind that she doesn't even know how to type. Whatever. You'll buy her the damn thing and try not to stare at the awkward, hand-flying, key-banging style that she's developing as she's teaching herself to type. Then you'll...

13 Hilarious French Intros for American TV Shows

March 3, 2011November 23, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

1. The Dukes of Hazzard French Title: Shérif, fais-moi peur! Literal Translation: Sheriff, Frighten Me! Sample Lyric: Country Life/Is the one I have chosen/I can rip your fog/With a single guitar chord The Hilarity: Look, Waylon Jennings was just damn cool... but he wasn't ripping any fog. And what in the hell is singing this? Is that a lady's voice? Is it a dude who's been sucking on helium? A gnome? What? httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGuHQVYy9Yw&feature=related 2. The A-Team French Title: L'agence tous risques Literal Translation: The Risk Everything Agency Sample Lyric: The A-Team is really/The last chance of the moment/In danger, those kings of cool/Those travelers without a visa/Fought the good fight The Hilarity: The original intro didn't even have lyrics. Nope. None. It was an instrumental... remember? However, traveling without a visa... that isn't very funny. That is just careless. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsqp6Kpz7lE&playnext=1&list=PL95FC0BD50B6E7021 3. Starsky & Hutch French Title: Starsky et Hutch Sample Lyric: Starsky and Hutch/Starsky and Hutch/New knights with the big heart/But never afraid of anything/Starsky and Hutch/ Starsky and Hutch/Two cops laughing and dreaming...

House Hunting, Humidity & Humiliation

February 23, 2011November 30, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

"Never make a decision when you need to pee." -Leonard Cohen * The GPS on the dashboard said we were still 20 minutes away from Épernon. This Saturday morning was the fourth Saturday morning in a row in which Olivier and I had woken at 6am to make the hour-long drive to Épernon or Rambouillet. Maybe it was the fifth Saturday. I've lost track. Four or five Saturdays in a row. Rising early. Spending the day in our car, or in the car of another real estate agent. We've met five of those, now. Or maybe six. I don't remember. Don't ask me how many houses we've wandered in and out of in an effort to find one that we can fall in love with. I'd say about twenty. Twenty houses. Maybe thirty. I can't recall. Anyway... where was I? Oh, right. The dashboard. The GPS. 20 minutes. I looked over at Olivier. "Um... I have to pee," I said. "Didn't you just go before we left the house?" "Yeah. But that...