My Clock Can Wait for Uncontrolled Pooping

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
There comes a time in a marriage when people will begin asking about your plans to start breeding.  That time generally falls somewhere between saying "I do" & cutting the cake.Once they've started asking, they won't stop.  "So, when are you going to start having kids?"  Their eyes are blinking rapidly, focused on you, waiting for an answer.What is the correct response to this one?  Do I tell them when we'll be having our next sexy fun time?  Do I present a chart with my ovulation cycle?  For fuck's sake...I'm still in my wedding dress.There's only one thing to do - drink heavily throughout the duration of the reception.Damn.  Only one problem.  It doesn't stop after the reception."But your clock is ticking, you know."  Now, that's tact.  I'm 35.  My clock isn't a major concern for me right now.  I should punch you in the spine.Is that what marriage is?  Get the piece of paper & start pushing out larvae...
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Greed is Disgusting. Gluttony is Better.

Greed is Disgusting. Gluttony is Better.

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"I do like Christmas on the whole.... In its clumsy way, it does approach Peace and Goodwill.  But it is clumsier every year." ~E.M. ForsterIt's finally over.  The shopping, the wrapping, the unwrapping...the over the river & through the woods.  Ugh.  Finally.  Over.  It's not that I don't like Christmas...it's just that Christmas, like a great many things, annoys the living shit out of me.It's a time of year that is filled with stress like no other.  Deadlines, travel plans, added expenses & the relatives that we've managed to avoid since last year.  But the greatest annoyance of all is that greed is more apparent during the holidays than at any other time of year.  At a time of year when many of us would like to be reminded of the beauty of the human spirit, I generally end up disgusted with it.People forget what's important about getting together for the holidays.  It's not about the giving or the receiving...
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Secrets & Sexy Stirry Sticks

Secrets & Sexy Stirry Sticks

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
All three of us, Olivier, my mother-in-law & myself, all decided that it would have to be Thai food for lunch.  Sure, there are plenty of restaurants in the 11th arrondissement of Paris, but the Thai restaurant down the street was the only thing that would be able to satisfy us.  We had been thinking about it all morning & now we all had a strong craving.After we had been seated, we ordered our food & some drinks.  I watched people wrapped in coats & scarves as they passed by the window, moving around in different directions, none of them paying any attention to one another.The conversation between the three of us moved in & out from English to French to Frenglish, then back to English again.  I tried to follow along, but couldn't think of anything except for my nems, wondering when they would arrive.However, as soon as the waiter brought our drinks, I forgot about the nems.  The...
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The Pinup Queen Next Door

The Pinup Queen Next Door

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"I was not trying to be shocking, or to be a pioneer. I wasn't trying to change society, or to be ahead of my time. I didn't think of myself as liberated, and I don't believe that I did anything important. I was just myself. I didn't know any other way to be, or any other way to live." - Bettie Page "I never was the girl next door" - Bettie PageBettie Page  April 22, 1923 – December 11, 2008[tags]Bettie Page, pinup, girl, celebrity, death[/tags]...
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Franks Giving

Franks Giving

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
It really didn't feel like an entire year had passed since last Thanksgiving.  Before I knew it, another 12 months had passed & here we were, getting ready for this Thanksgiving.Olivier & I made the trip into Paris so that we could go hunting for exotic imported items: cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie filling, boxes of stuffing & canned sweet potatoes.  You know - really fancy stuff.Luckily, there are a few American grocery stores in Paris, but in November, we get all of the necessary Thanksgiving supplies at a place called...um...Thanksgiving.So, Olivier took the afternoon off from work.  Hey, this is France - people are working.  It's just another day here.It was still a typical Thanksgiving day, however.  There I was, in the kitchen, the combined scents of turkey & pumpkin pie wafting out toward the living room, where Olivier was lounging on the couch, watching the game.Ok, so it was a rugby game instead of a football game.Naturally, before we...
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Creperie Ty Baron

Creperie Ty Baron

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
Wandering around Brittany looking at trees, rocks & assorted Merlin memorabilia works up an appetite.  I was beginning to feel the familiar sensation of my stomach wrapping itself around my spine, as it usually does just before my body begins to digest itself.Our eyes were beginning to get that glazed look that one gets just as they begin to consider cannibalism.All right, enough of the sightseeing shit.  We needed food.  Preferably vast amounts of crepes, dripping with cheese & meat.After driving around in what seemed like endless circles in the middle of freaking nowhere, we finally saw the sign.We checked the clock on the dashboard.  It was only 6:50pm.  We'd have to wait 10 minutes.  No problem.  My body likely wouldn't reach the advanced stages of auto digestion for at least a half an hour.As soon as the clock flipped to 7pm, we were through the door.  The place was empty, just as one would expect it to be.  The...
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