Brutish Behavior at Bouillon Chartier

Olivier & I went to see the new Fantastic 4 movie this weekend. Well, only because the Silver Surfer was in it. Had it not been for him, the movie would not have been worth seeing.We left the theater & decided to have dinner before heading home for a sedentary evening. We walked a few blocks & ended up at a place called Bouillon Chartier.It sure does look quaint & French & all that, doesn't it? Well, sure it does.We get inside & the hostess leads us to our table. There are four chairs, so naturally, I pull out the chair next to me & proceed to throw my purse & sweater on it.This was not a good move.Seconds later, a tall man with white hair who resembled an angry walrus was there. He thrust my belongings at me & pushed the chair back in, mumbling something incoherently...likely cursing me & my family for...
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The Giant Spoon and Skinny Streets of Spain

So, what did you do today?I went to SPAIN!Yep, after a day of lounging around on the beach, Olivier and I got up bright and early, left the cat in the apartment at La Grande Motte and hit the road to spend the day in Spain. After a few hours on the highway, we reached the French/Spanish border.We went to Figueres and our first priority was of course, to find food. We found a tiny place that served tiny, microwaved frozen burritos and other frozen crap. Oh, well... we ate it... and yes, I would pay for it later. There is a Salvador Dali museum in Figueres and we headed back to the car so that we could make an attempt at finding it. On the way back to the parking garage, we happened upon a the biggest absinthe spoon ever.However, there wasn't a glass or bottle of the green stuff to go along with it. We happened upon the museum on our...
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Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 2

Just in case you've missed Vol. 1 and have no idea what I'm talking about: Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 1If you still have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, I can't help you there.1. Mock the tourists. This one is quite self-explanatory. Just head off to any one of the many popular tourist attractions in the city and you'll have hours of free entertainment.Generally, you will find that the Americans are often easy to spot due not only to their high volume, but also because they frequently travel in packs. While individual American tourists can be a bit boring, tourist families with cameras slung from their necks as well as maps and brochures in hand have a much higher entertainment value and typically have a higher mockability rating.Spending time in the parking lots of tourist attractions is often time well spent. Just have a seat anywhere with a good view of the large buses pulling in...
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Landing on The Big Mound

Landing on The Big Mound

Okay... so, after the feline vomit, bovine ass-slides and canine crap, we made our way down south to the coast until we reached the resort of La Grande Motte, which I learned means "The Big Mound." Big mound of what, I have no idea. All three of us were so happy to arrive, that we all took part in a raucous dance of joy.After all of that nonsense, we decided to head out to a pizza place nearby to stuff ourselves with pizza, rosé wine, sangria, fried calamari and shrimp. We decided to work off a few calories after our display of gluttony, so we stopped to shoot a few zombies.After the long car ride from Parensol to La Grande Motte, the dancing jackasses, the gluttonous feast and zombie killing, everyone had pretty much had their asses kicked for the day and had rendered themselves useless for the rest of the evening....
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13 of My Favorite Literary Quotes

1 – “Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five2 – “Alice could not help her lips curling up into a smile as she began: “Do you know, I always thought Unicorns were fabulous monsters, too? I never saw one alive before!” “Well, now that we have seen each other,” said the Unicorn, “if you’ll believe in me, I’ll believe in you. Is that a bargain?” - Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass, chapter VII3 – “I'll publish right or wrong: Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.” - Lord Byron, English Bards & Scotch Reviewers4 - “I had only a little time left and I didn't want to waste it on God.” - Albert Camus, The Stranger5 – “Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in...
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Le Scénoparc: Home of the Bovine Poop Chute

On the second day of our vacation, Olivier, Cat and I were safely in Parensol. After lunch, we took off with Olivier's mother, Corinne, to go to a place called Le Scénoparc. This is basically an outdoor park with bovine animals and information on the origins of bovines. A Moo Cow Zoo. When we arrived, we saw a couple of locals with heads bowed worshiping the large, prehistoric bovine head near the entrance.We walked through the park looking at the yaks, bison, reindeer and cows... then we happened upon a couple of goats. The goats aren't afraid of the humans, as Olivier and his mother have demonstrated. In fact, I don't think the goats gave a shit about much besides noshing. But the highlight of the day for me was when we came across a giant cow shitting out laughing, squealing children. A large sculpture of a cow had been constructed of wood and some engineering genius had decided that this...
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