Living in a Rubik’s Cube & Janitorial Jacki

Living in a Rubik’s Cube & Janitorial Jacki

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
When I first moved in with Olivier, this little apartment in Montmartre looked more like a Rubik's Cube than an apartment. The living room was Easter yellow, the foyer, an obnoxious bright orange. Or, what I like to call "traffic cone orange." These areas were of course taking attention away from the purple bedroom and the bright green kitchen with the fire-engine red floor. What baffled me the most was that the little room with the toilet was painted brown. I always assumed that this was intended to provide inspiration for the occupant. Naturally, we've spent plenty of time over the past year working on repairs and some more visually friendly color schemes, so as to avoid any more sensory overload in the eyes. So, if anyone has any illusions as to life in Paris being at all glamorous......if that is not enough to convince you, then maybe a shot of yours truly doing an impression of a high school janitor in her husband's...
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Friday Night Fireworks

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
We had planned on Friday night being rather uneventful. Olivier & I rented a couple of movies & were serenely stuffing our faces with a variety of snacks.Then we heard a bomb go off…colorful flames & sparks appeared on the other side of the living room window. We both jumped up out of our seats & quite naturally, ran directly toward the threat.Fireworks. It was the night before Bastille Day. We looked down on the street that lay 5 floors below us. There stood a group of what appeared to be 4 or 5 grown men who were firing off some very large fireworks at the buildings surrounding them, along with parked cars & motorcycles.It was right about then that we had started to imagine cars exploding in front of our building, or the entire building burning down.For the first time in his life, Olivier called the police. We are now officially on our...
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Jalapeno Horror

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
All I wanted to do was make a pot of chili.  I had done this countless times before without incident.Little had I realized in the past what a dangerous project this could be.  Little did I realize what a powerful enemy lie in that harmless looking jalapeno.I chopped onions & peppers carelessly without any sort of protection.  Now I know better – in the future I will be donning the appropriate attire: a full body HAZMAT suit.A pile of chopped jalapenos, peppers and onions sat on the cutting board as I began to open cans of stewed tomatoes and beans.  That was when the horror began.  The skin underneath my right ring finger began to burn.  Without any thought at all, I rinsed it under some cold water & reached for the can opener.What?  No can opener.  A P-38.  Just fucking wonderful.  I began wrestling with the primitive device that appeared to be useless other than mangling the tin.  Suddenly,...
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But, What Do They Think of Us? Part 1

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
Ok…so, I've already written plenty about ridiculous stereotypes that many Americans have about French people & let you know which ones I have found to be true & which ones were just…well, bullshit.But, what is the image of Americans that French people have? Well, as promised, I'm going to tell you all about it...1 – AMERICANS ARE PURITANICALA couple of months ago, my husband & I were sitting in the waiting area of a government office here in Paris to renew my visa. A television was on broadcasting some American soap opera dubbed in French.A commercial came on for shampoo or something. The entire commercial was basically just a naked woman taking a shower. I was shocked. I mean, this was the middle of the fucking day & there is this naked woman taking a shower.Now, I don't have a phobia regarding naked bodies, but it's a strange thing for some Americans who come here to see boobies on...
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Colorado vs. Paris

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
WHAT I MISS ABOUT COLORADO1 – Fried pickles from Remo’s down on 4th Street in Loveland.2 – Arby’s. I cannot say this enough. I would fall down on my knees at the counter & bring offerings to the high-school student at the cash register for just one Beef & Cheddar combo meal with Mozzarella Sticks right now.3 – Wal-Mart. Low, low prices every day. I could buy cat food, socks, a goldfish, a banana & a TV all in one place.4 – The Halloween stores in October. Halloween barely exists in France. I miss my annual shopping trips for new home décor items at the Halloween shops.5 – The drive-in theater. In the summer, I miss the gluttonous & lazy fun of sitting in the car, gorging on a bunch of crappy nachos & candy while watching movies with my friends. The drive-in theaters are almost gone in the states & they...
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Paris Culture & Hobo Drinkin’

Paris Culture & Hobo Drinkin’

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
Olivier & I have made it point to get out of the damn house from time to time. As much as I love to hermit & as much as the humans get on my nerves, this is Paris, so it would be absurd not to go out & get some culture.    The Jardin des Tuileries is the most central garden in Paris...& it's big. It's difficult to miss it. Not only that, but it is beautiful, & therefore filled with tourists. But, there is an even greater feature of this place - you can do some hobo-style brown bag drinkin' & no one will give you any guff.    We decided to check out Le Musée de l'Orangerie. For what? Well, for paintings. You come to Paris, you see paintings...& lots of 'em. Of course, there is Monet...    And Cézanne...  ...& some French guy roaming about in the middle of the exhibit.  Once we got back outside, we...
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