Sometimes, learning a foreign language can be so easy that it just makes things more difficult.When Olivier & I had a couple of house guests here last week, I had the opportunity to play the part of translator & tour guide. This is a role that is usually filled by Olivier, but since he was at work during the day, I was left with taking the reigns. Not only was this ridiculous, but really, quite amusing.But it gave me an opportunity to practice my French out in the real world, rather than just practicing on Olivier at home during conversations about monkeys in jumpsuits & what to have for dinner.Imagine my delight when I had to enter a pharmacy to request allergy medicine for my American friend Ryan because of the fact that my cat was slowly destroying his sinuses & eyeballs. Of course, there was only one small problem: I didn't know the French word for...
One thing that happens when you move far, far away to a foreign country is that unfortunately, you are not going to have regular contact with friends & family.Well, at least not at the frequency that may have existed before. It's a lot of work, writing emails & letters, making phone calls...ok, so I'm not so good at making phone calls.But the good news is, once in a while, people will hop on a plane to come see you & visit the place that has become your new home.Later today, Olivier & I will be meeting my friends from Colorado, Ryan & Kyle, at Gare du Nord here in Paris. It will be their first trip to France, so we've made the necessary preparations to give them a fine lesson in French culture.The refrigerator has been stocked with a variety of stinky cheese. Sure, it smells a bit like feet when we open the door, but that's...
Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 1Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 2Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 3Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 41. Bottleneck the escalator. Whenever you happen to find yourself at a busy place with an escalator, be sure to hop on. Once you've reached the end of the escalator ride, step off, and then just stand there.Other passengers of the escalator will enjoy the challenge of trying to get around you or smacking into you as they attempt to jump off of the moving steps.You can also do this at any stairwell, but let's face it. It isn't as much fun without the threat of being sucked under at the escalator.This seems to be one of the most popular activities in all of Paris. No matter where you go, some fun-loving dipshit is always standing at the top or bottom of a very crowded stairwell or escalator.2. Make a kamikaze exit....
Moving from a small town in Colorado to Paris wasn’t easy. Ok, well the moving part wasn’t really all that difficult. But after arriving in France, there have been some things that I’ve had to learn to get used to…1. The French language. Learning a 2nd language comes easily to young children, but to an adult over 30, it takes a little more effort. Trying to read, write, speak & understand a language that is more complex than English takes a lot of time…& patience.2. Public transportation. The burden of owning a car is gone, along with the expenses caused by the need for insurance, gas & maintenance. However, so is the freedom of being able to just go for a drive for the fun of it, or the independence that comes with owning your own transportation.3. No dishwasher. An apartment in Paris is...
It never fails. If I have nothing to do, no one to see and nowhere to be, I feel great. If I have plenty of things that I have to do, places to go and a busy social calendar, my nose will turn into a snot faucet. My throat will become sore and I will cough up mucous in an endless stream in between violent sneezes.I was sick at my wedding. The last time I went back to Colorado to visit friends and family during Thanksgiving, I had a horribly contagious cold.It never, ever fails.Now that the Hotel Massoud (a.k.a our home) is booked solid from September 7th to September 22nd, I'm all hopped up on cold medicine and have sneezed so much that the cat has made herself scarce, refusing to be in the same room with me.I think Olivier is enjoying this, though. I can barely speak, which means that I cannot effectively piss and moan about anything,...
I once had a neighbor who was from Arkansas. I lived in the apartment directly below hers. When her kitchen sink had a leak, she piled a bunch of towels & dirty clothes under the leak. Of course, after a few weeks of this, the result was a smelly pond that appeared in my apartment within a matter of minutes in the middle of the night.Another neighbor I had held his girlfriend's family hostage, which resulted in a standoff with the police for over 12 hours before he finally released all of the hostages & blew his brains out.One neighbor painted a deer turd with gold spray paint, hung it on a chain & gave it to me as a gift when I moved into the neighborhood.Of course, I can't forget the neighbor who raped & beat a girl to death. He was found in Guatemala 2 months later by America's Most Wanted & I watched the whole thing on...
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