Springing Forward, Looking Back

Springing Forward, Looking Back

“Spring is the time of plans and projects.” - Leo Tolstoy"Blah, blah, blah." - Iggy Pop◊It's been a while since I wrote one of those blogs posts that say, "I did this. I'm gonna do some of that. Right now I'm doing blah, blah, blargedy blah." You know, just a blah, blah blog post.It's just hard for me to get into. It's difficult for me yammer on about the boring little details of our life here in our tiny but perfect little corner of France. I like to keep a lot of things private. You may not think so with my nonsense and chatter on the Internet, but it's true. Like, a few months ago, when I ate that bad sandwich and almost pooped myself in the Aldi, I didn't say a word to you about that. Private.However, it's sometimes necessary to say, "I did this. I'm gonna do some of that. Right now I'm doing blah, blah, blargedy blah."Little...
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Don’t Call Me a Foodie

Don’t Call Me a Foodie

“You can't just eat good food. You've got to talk about it too. And you've got to talk about it to somebody who understands that kind of food.” ― Kurt Vonnegut“Watch a French housewife as she makes her way slowly along the loaded stalls… searching for the peak of ripeness and flavor… What you are seeing is a true artist at work, patiently assembling all the materials of her craft, just as the painter squeezes oil colors onto his palette ready to create a masterpiece.” ― Keith Floyd“Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.” ― Art Buchwald*A while ago, someone read several posts on this blog & said to me, "I really enjoyed reading through all of your food posts. I'm a big foodie, like you."Uh... what? Like me? Me? A foodie?No.I like to eat, sure. I love...
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I Don’t Live in Paris

I Don’t Live in Paris

I live in France. I don't live in Paris. I used to live in Paris.People sometimes ask me about something going on in Paris. I can only answer with, "Um... I don't really know the details about that. I don't live in Paris."Occasionally, I'll be asked, "So, how're things in Paris?""Well, fine as far as I know. But, I can only guess because... I don't live in Paris."A little over 6 years ago, I stepped off a plane at Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris. Olivier was still my husband-to-be & I was not yet Madame Massoud. He fetched me & my Cat at the airport, along with all the possessions I could bring along with me.He took us home, to his apartment in Montmartre. All of you who are either already familiar with the area, or who are Francophile Amelie geeks, know that Montmartre is located in the 18th arrondissement of Paris. For the rest of you, here's a...
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Anti-Peanut Butterism. Yes. It’s a Thing.

Anti-Peanut Butterism. Yes. It’s a Thing.

“Man can not live by bread alone ... he must have peanut butter.” - Bill Cosby“I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.” - Janet Evanovich“Peanut butter is the paté of childhood.” - Florence Fabricant*I've heard a lot of people say that the French hate Americans. Before I moved to France, a few people asked me, "You sure you want to move there? They hate us in France."After I moved here, a couple of people asked about me when talking with my relatives, or mutual friends. "What's she doing over there? Doesn't she know that French people hate Americans?"I'm happy to tell you that this is complete bullshit. These are the concerns of the gullible, the ignorant & those who have never set foot on European soil. I've been here for 6...
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Flowers for Rasmenia

Flowers for Rasmenia

All right, then... it's been almost 6 months since we moved into this house and lost the luxury of a home Internet connection. Now we finally have it again and I can actually refer to an Internet connection at home as a luxury, rather than a necessity.Okay, maybe I really don't believe that. I NEED the Internet. I absolutely need an endless supply of baby animal videos and 10 different columns of nonstop gibberish on Twitter. I require endless stream of commentary on current events to keep me up-to-date and a steady torrent of jingoist YouTube videos on my Facebook news feed to remind me to be patriotic. I MUST have IMDB handy every time I'm watching a movie and can't remember where I've seen that actor's face before. I fucking NEED Wikipedia to be there every time I have the slightest question about every trivial event or mysterious fruit I happen upon in the produce section.These things are IMPORTANT.Well,...
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13 Hilarious French Intros for American TV Shows

1. The Dukes of Hazzard French Title: Shérif, fais-moi peur! Literal Translation: Sheriff, Frighten Me! Sample Lyric: Country Life/Is the one I have chosen/I can rip your fog/With a single guitar chord The Hilarity: Look, Waylon Jennings was just damn cool... but he wasn't ripping any fog. And what in the hell is singing this? Is that a lady's voice? Is it a dude who's been sucking on helium? A gnome? What? httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGuHQVYy9Yw&feature=related 2. The A-Team French Title: L'agence tous risques Literal Translation: The Risk Everything Agency Sample Lyric: The A-Team is really/The last chance of the moment/In danger, those kings of cool/Those travelers without a visa/Fought the good fight The Hilarity: The original intro didn't even have lyrics. Nope. None. It was an instrumental... remember? However, traveling without a visa... that isn't very funny. That is just careless. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsqp6Kpz7lE&playnext=1&list=PL95FC0BD50B6E7021 3. Starsky & Hutch French Title: Starsky et Hutch Sample Lyric: Starsky and Hutch/Starsky and Hutch/New knights with the big heart/But never afraid of anything/Starsky and Hutch/ Starsky and Hutch/Two cops laughing and dreaming...
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