It’s the Same, But Different

It’s the Same, But Different

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
About 6 or 7 years ago, before I moved to France, I was back in Colorado, talking to a friend of mine about the pen pals we had when we were in elementary school. Remember those?  Actually writing on paper with a pen, sticking a stamp on it & mailing it to another kid living in some faraway place?  Surely you must have done this at some point, no? Anyway, we were having a laugh about the silly things  we would write.  He told me that his pen pal lived in England, so he was asking questions like, "Do you drive cars to go places in England, or is different?" or, "Do you go to the grocery store to get food, or is it different?" We found this all to be hilarious, finding amusement in the things that kids say & the wacky things that kids get curious about because as adults, we of course know better.  We've seen things & met people...
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Misanthropic Expat Syndrome

Misanthropic Expat Syndrome

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"Americans should never come to Europe,' she said, and tried to laugh and began to cry, 'it means they never can be happy again. What's the good of an American who isn't happy?" — James Baldwin, Giovanni's Room * "I think that something's happened to me," I said.  Olivier looked over at me & creased his eyebrows. "Like what?  Are you sick?  Did you eat too much fiber again?" "No... I'm not feeling shitsy.  It's more permanent than that, I think... & it seems to be getting worse.  I think I must be developing some sort of misanthropic expat syndrome." "I think you've had that for a while." "It's getting worse," I said. "Yeah. I've noticed.  It's probably not so bad," he said. "Eating too much fiber feels worse, I bet." He's right.  That does feel pretty bad.  Unfortunately, my misanthropic expat syndrome seems to be permanent & intensifying. Something happens after a few years of living outside...
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Halloween in France

Halloween in France

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
France, I love you, I really, do and I will always defend your honor in a bar fight, but please... leave Halloween alone. Before I moved to France, Olivier explained to me that Halloween doesn't really exist here; that a few people will dress up, or do something Halloween-like, but that it is largely an American holiday and that French people don't really give a shit about it. Okay... that's understandable. Especially since French people have their own 'Day of the Dead,' as it were. Many French people do observe the traditions that are at the origins of our Halloween. On November 1st, la Toussaint, or All Saint's Day, French people all over the country are visiting their loved ones in the cemeteries, leaving chrysanthemums on their graves. Many people have the day off from work. It is an actual holiday in France. All the more reason to leave Halloween alone. My first Halloween in France, Olivier and I were living in Paris. We...
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The Science of Dry Humping

The Science of Dry Humping

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"It seems to be that southern Europeans are just more intimate socially, whereas I like a lot of personal space - like, a mile from the nearest person is fine for me." — Peter Steele * * * As soon as Olivier and I entered the checkout line, I jumped in front of him, hiding myself from the old lady who was getting in line right behind us. "What are you doing?" he asked me. "Creating a safety buffer. This way, the person behind us in the line can't dry hump me." "Bad plan. Now I can dry hump you," he said. "That's okay. We're married. That falls under the 'acceptable' column on my list of public dry humping requirements," I said, peering over his shoulder at the geriatric menace lurking behind him. This is something that has become routine; creating a buffer zone in public whenever possible. For an American living in France, this is something that is absolutely necessary, unless you just happen to be...
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Paris: Real & Surreal

Paris: Real & Surreal

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
There are certain places around the globe you can go to that just don't seem real.  Standing before certain buildings, monuments & natural wonders can often be a very surreal experience, feeling less like a day out of real life & a lot more like being on a movie set.Or, more accurately... in an actual movie.Whenever I go to Washington D.C., it feels bizarre to me, as though I've been inserted into the middle of a news report, or some exciting action flick.  I've constantly got my eyes peeled for a bad guy to come tearing through the crowd, pursued by a determined hero with a pistol in his hand.  I periodically check the skies for aliens, who as we all know, only land in major cities with well-known buildings & monuments.As anyone can imagine, Paris is no different.  In fact, for Americans, it's probably even more surreal.  Seeing something like the Eiffel Tower for the first time is an...
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French Haters: Your Ignorance is Showing

French Haters: Your Ignorance is Showing

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
So... a Frenchman walks into a bar. No, wait... how many Frenchmen does it take to... wait, no. Have you heard the one about the French guy who -Seriously... shut the fuck up.It's no secret that I've got a lot of pet peeves. People are constantly grating on my nerves. I simply do not have a lot of patience where people are concerned.  Usually, the stupid things they say & do are mildly irritating, easily ignored. Some may piss me off... then there are the other acts of stupidity & running off at the mouth that I absolutely cannot abide.Racist & sexist jokes are a good example.I'm not talking about politically incorrect humor. I'm not referring to friendly jabs & charicatures.  I'm talking about cruel & malicious jokes that are not even intended to be funny. Ignorant & historically inaccurate babble designed to be rude & bigoted without even trace amounts of humor.What's worse is to tell these asinine "jokes"...
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