Rants – Page 3 of 4 – Rasmenian Detritus

Misanthropy at the Movies

April 29, 2009November 23, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

At the restaurant inside the movie theater, Olivier & I sat down at the table. He started eating. I was struggling with the impenetrable plastic package holding my napkin & brittle plastic fork."Man... did you get a load of those fucking people that were in line in front of us?"Olivier responded by nodding his head. His mouth was full of sandwich. He swallowed. "Yeah, they were pissing me off, too," he said. Sip of soda. Swallow. "The wife was smashing her elbow into my ribs while she bitched about napkins to the person working behind the counter."My fork was now free. I pulled my sandwich apart & began flicking bits of tomato off of it. "Seriously... you'd think that her husband could have corralled their kids while she did her bitching." Tomato. Flick. "I thought that they were going to start climbing my legs as if I were a mighty oak. I love how people think that any other adult...

Annoying Americans, Volume 2 – The Phrase Book is Your Friend

February 17, 2009December 17, 2009 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

There's really no excuse for it. Yet people do it here in Paris all of the time. I've seen them doing it & I've overheard them in restaurants, shops & cafés. Worst yet - I've been with people when they've done it.American tourists speaking English...assuming that the French person they are speaking to also speaks English.There are really only a couple of reasons why an American would come over to France without taking the time before their trip to learn a few essential phrases: laziness & arrogance.Seriously, it doesn't take much time & it isn't such an extravagant expense to pick up one of these in preparation for a trip to France.Yet, a ridiculous number of people don't fucking bother with it. The book pictured above is less than $10. I purchased the same one a few years ago. It hardly broke the bank. I was still able to afford some Taco Bell & cigarettes later that day.Don't get me...

Annoying Americans, Volume 1 – Blending In

February 2, 2009November 23, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

There's a strange phenomenon that occurs after living in France even for a very short time. It's a little odd, but it does happen.It doesn't take very long, but eventually, you can forget how to speak English.Now, don't get the wrong idea. Maybe what you're thinking is, "Wow...being immersed in the French language can actually push English right out of your brain?"Of course that isn't what I mean. Don't be asinine. Besides, what kind of dolt forgets their native language like that?Here's an example:One not so very interesting day, I decided to take my camera & go for a stroll through the Montmartre Cemetery. I'm all alone & searching for the grave of Degas. I'm having no luck, so I head back to entrance so that I can take a gander at the map.That's when I saw them. The four of them were wearing matching T-shirts that read "Paris", all spelled out in glitter. They were wearing their matching backpacks,...

My Clock Can Wait for Uncontrolled Pooping

January 9, 2009November 24, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

There comes a time in a marriage when people will begin asking about your plans to start breeding. That time generally falls somewhere between saying "I do" & cutting the cake.Once they've started asking, they won't stop. "So, when are you going to start having kids?" Their eyes are blinking rapidly, focused on you, waiting for an answer.What is the correct response to this one? Do I tell them when we'll be having our next sexy fun time? Do I present a chart with my ovulation cycle? For fuck's sake...I'm still in my wedding dress.There's only one thing to do - drink heavily throughout the duration of the reception.Damn. Only one problem. It doesn't stop after the reception."But your clock is ticking, you know." Now, that's tact. I'm 35. My clock isn't a major concern for me right now. I should punch you in the spine.Is that what marriage is? Get the piece of paper & start pushing out larvae...

Sinners, Marriage & Mockery

July 14, 2008November 30, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

“I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints Sinners are much more fun...” -Billy Joel ◊ So there was this woman that was living in sin – yeah, you know what that means – the avoidance of matrimony, holy or otherwise, and she had the nerve to live under the same roof with a man. “I don’t know if he’s the one," she said.“I’m not ready for that,” she said.Of course the parents that she was stuck with – the ones that she never saw – didn’t approve of this one bit.“It goes against the Bible," they said.“We don’t know what to tell our friends," they said.Well, this woman just went on living her life because she knew that trying to please them was a waste of time and would only create misery for herself. She was selfish like that.She cared even less about their Bible or their friends. She was an asshole like that.“You should really think about marriage,” her stepmother...

Contribute to the Silence

June 25, 2008June 26, 2008 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

“He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know.” -Lao Tzu“There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves.” - Albert Guinon (1863 - 1923)“Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly.” - Plutarch (46 AD - 120 AD)“It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894)Sometimes I wonder why you feel like you have to answer for me whenever someone else asks me a question. Maybe it’s because you think that I can’t answer for myself. Wait…nah…that’s not it. If it were, I suppose that you’d be capable of responding correctly, rather than shitting out of your mouth.It must be the same reason that you feel like you have to be the one talking whenever someone else is speaking...