Créteil

Créteil

It's a good life here in France. There's plenty of great food, excellent wine, an incredible health care system, more stinky cheese than you can shake a baguette at and plenty of museums, history and culture for everyone.Of course it has some negative aspects, too. That's to be expected. Things like no Arby's, milk in a freakin' box, people eating the cross-section of a veal's head and the occasional strike or car burning.But, the worst has got to be visa renewal if you're an immigrant living in the Val-de-Marne départment.Visa renewal in Paris was a walk in the park. We made an appointment with the préfecture, waited a few minutes, then an employee actually possessing the ability to smile and be friendly processed my paperwork. I was given a date at which time I could pick up the new visa and within 15 minutes or so, the entire process was completed.This is unheard of in Créteil. Créteil is where the...
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13 Don’ts

13 Don’ts

1. DON'T talk about the end of a movie or book that I told you I haven't seen.2. DON'T whine.3. DON'T send me a bunch of bullshit email. I have no interest whatsoever in reading lame hoaxes, political/religious propaganda, racist jokes or any other spammy crap.4. DON'T expect me to eat it without telling me what it is.5. DON'T call me on the phone just because there is nothing on TV & you expect me to entertain you.6. DON'T talk during the movie.7. DON'T be a backseat driver. I know how to drive.8. DON'T spit gigantic wads of slimy phlegm out in front of me. That shit makes me want to vomit.9. DON'T complain to me about it - if you don't like your hair or your ass, then change it. If you don't want to change it, then accept it. Now get on with...
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Words of Truth Won’t Harm the Speaker

Ah...so here we are, at another Monday and throughout over the course of the past couple of weeks, I have again stumbled upon another sparkling revelation: most people are pieces of shit. Goddam.Well, maybe I didn't just discover this…but was just again reminded of it.People will lie to you, boys and girls. People will use your greatest vulnerabilities against you...what you fear, what you love and the flaws that make you what you are - they will take those tender spots in your soul, they will stick a wretched finger in those spots and they will twist it, digging and boring a wound until you either cannot take it anymore or until you end up wallowing in a pool of your own drunken barf and disdain.The clock is ticking away...your life is ending as you are reading this. tick...tick...tick...who knows when the ticking stops.My point here, people: don't let your time be wasted by fuckheads...and if you happen to be one...
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Run to the Water

Ok, boys and girls...when I'm not locked safely away in the asylum, roaming the alleys rolling bums for spare change, or passed out in an alley curled up with a trash can, I'm sucking down squeeze cheese, quaffing the sweet, sweet Guinness and spending time out among the humans a little.Well, only a little. What a waste of time that can be.The humans are odd and pesky creatures, indeed...this is what I discovered, what you may have already discovered for yourselves...Other people always know exactly what you should & shouldn't do with your life. They have an overwhelming desire to shove their wisdom down your throat. Wow...what would we do without these people? How in the hell would we live?But, really, that isn't so bad. There is another sort of human that is far worse. These are the ones that create a sensation similar to that of sandpaper on a raw nerve ending...the ones that run from living, seeing, feeling,...
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Flow In It

For absolutely no reason at all, I thought that I would impart to you all that life is funny, life is pain, life is beautiful and goddamit - we're really not here for very long so feel it ALL - grab a hold of it - the sickness, the joy, the sour, wretched, breaking hearts, the ecstasy, those wild, intoxicated lost weekends...and the hangovers.Life is not always laughter and bliss - even if we think it ought to be. But, no matter what it is, it's real - we're all a bunch of fucked-up fools running around in an insane circus - filled with clowns and lions and if we're lucky, a hot chick on a trapeze...Sometimes, we are right where we want to be and other times we are so filled with a discomfort and lack of contentment that our brains itch, our guts feel like they're rotting, but goddam! Isn't this life a mad and twisted pleasure...The moral...
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Behind Judgment is Fear

Let me tell you about an enlightening conversation that I had with one of the humans recently. Let me tell you - we should all be grateful for people like this. Several flaws in my thinking, appearance and character were brought to my attention by this incredibly astute individual and the very least that I could do is share the infinite wisdom and advice that I was given on to the rest of you:1. The world is a superficial place; it will do you an incredible amount of good to start caring more about what others think of you.2. It is very important and makes life much easier if you make a sincere effort to be more like everyone else.3. Looks and appearances do matter, they are important...no one really cares about what is on the inside.4. Nobody cares about your ideals; they are meaningless.Oh, so now you're asking, "Why in the hell should we all be grateful for people like...
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