Christmas

Laughing Through the Blood

September 11, 2024September 11, 2024 by RasmeniaNo Comments

I got the shopping cart for Xmas when I was 3 years old. Immediately, I began planning a shopping trip to 7-11. No, not a grocery store. Just as I would later insist as a stoned teenager craving a Super Big Gulp and risky nachos, it had to be the goddamn 7-11.The adults informed me I could not just wander off on a convenience store expedition on my own. This annoyed me. Stupid adults.Opportunity struck when I was left in the care of my Uncle Jay one afternoon. As soon as he turned his back, I grabbed my shopping cart and made a hasty exit. I still remember when he found me. Red-faced, panicked, and angry, my uncle pulled his car along the curb as I merrily strolled down the sidewalk, pushing my cart, with no idea how to get to 7-11 or anywhere else.“Get your ass in this car.”I got my ass in the car.Uncle Jay was 6’4” and...

Not Wishing You a Merry Christmas

December 13, 2012November 30, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

I am not going to wish you a Merry Christmas. I am not going to wish you Happy Holidays, a Happy New Year, or even Happy Ass Slap from an Expensive Hooker. No matter what we say anymore, someone's out there to complain. So, I won't offer you Xmas cheer, a Happy Hanukkah, Joyeux Noël, Feliz Navidad or a Happy Solstice.I wish you more than this. So much more.When someone says to you: Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Have a nice Tuesday or a bitchin' Saturnalia, I wish you the clear-sightedness to see when another human is saying something just to be kind, affable & cheerful. I wish you enough common decency to choke down your pettiness, smile & respond in your own kind, affable & cheerful way. I hope you'll be reasonable enough to comprehend how one person phrases something shouldn't diminish your joy; that most battles never need to be fought & that being offended is a meaningless thing.I...

The Misanthropic Heathens & the Quest for Christmas Magic

December 28, 2011November 30, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

“Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.” - Charles M. Schulz“What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for?” - Salman Rushdie, Fury*When I was a tiny, brand-new person, I knew what it felt like to be overwhelmed by music, cookies & twinkling lights. I knew the absolute joy that can only come from a tiny, brand-new person's sense of wonder when presented with stories & images of magical elves, animals & places.I knew Christmas magic. It was nothing less than magic.Like any kid, I got excited about presents. But, wasn't the anticipation & surprise always more fun than the actual object wrapped up inside all of that pretty paper?I consider myself lucky that for the first few years of my life, I had grandparents who I always spent the holiday with & that they got more excited about Christmas than anyone I've ever met since. There was always an enormous tree, standing upon a big...

There & Back Again, Part 3 – Screw Me in St. Louis

January 27, 2010January 29, 2010 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

When Olivier & I arrived at the Greyhound station in Erie, PA, we were giddy. It was 3pm on Saturday, the day after Christmas. We'd had a big pile of Arby's earlier that day, so I had gotten my fix after craving their delicious, cheddary slop for the past 2 years. We were leaving behind the stress of a Festivus gone bad & were looking forward to a week at home in Colorado.We had our bus tickets, 200 lbs. of luggage & a box of chocolate donuts. We were ready to voyage across the country for the next day & a half. We would have to change buses several times, but still... it was only a day & a half.A day & a half. No sweat.The first thing that we figured out was that there was no dicking around when it was time to board the bus. If you're traveling with someone, it's next to impossible to find 2 seats...

There & Back Again, Part 2 – Prickly Lodgings

January 21, 2010November 23, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit." -Kin Hubbard"Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper." -Friedrich Nietzsche . I truly believe that tragedy can bring out the best in people... & that the holidays can bring out the worst. Humans are fucked up like that. In spite of everyone's best intentions, sometimes holiday gatherings get tense or chaotic. No matter how hard you try, you may still end up feeling as though you've stepped out of reality & into one of those ridiculous Christmas movies where everything goes wrong.We arrived at our destination in rural PA a day late. We got to see a few relatives - some that I had not seen in several years & that Olivier had never met. We had a great time - in spite of my occasional fits of choking on mucous & bleeding from the...

There & Back Again, Part 1 – Paris to Pennsylvania

January 13, 2010February 18, 2019 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

It's all quite blurry now, but what I remember of it all is full of various landscapes, faces and suitcases. There was eating, drinking, merriment and... mucous. Fucking holiday travel. It's always a lot of planning and stress, but we had a plan. A simple plan. There was no way it could fail. We had a direct flight from Paris to Pittsburgh, PA. We would rent a car, then drive 3 hours to a tiny, rural town just outside the middle-of-freaking-nowhere. After 1 week, we would board a Greyhound bus to Colorado. Another week there and we would fly from Denver back to Paris. There were various parties, reunions and get-togethers planned in several different locations with dozens of people. Okay, so it wasn't really such a simple plan. Maybe we'd hit a snag here or there; 1 or 2 little things could go wrong. Or... everything could go wrong. Olivier and I woke up at 4:30am on December 20th. I stared at the wall with...