France – Page 10 of 14 – Rasmenian Detritus

The Birthday Mud Jump

April 20, 2009November 30, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

"I think I can make it," I said, taking a few steps back.Olivier was looking down at the small stream. "Are you sure?" He laughed, just a little. "It's kind of far. It might be too far to jump. We can find another way around it.""No way," I said, taking a few more steps back. "I just need a running start.""Okay," he said, shrugging. I watched him as he stepped across the water and mud. "You're sure, now? I can help you across, you know.""Nah... fuck that," I said. "It's no more than 3 feet. I can do it."I stood there in my pajamas, in the middle of the forest. It was Olivier's birthday and we decided to take a detour through the forest before going to the bakery to pick up his cake.I took a look around, too see if there were any possible eyewitnesses in the forest before I made my daring leap.There was no one besides Olivier...

Souricide. It’s Possible That I’m Easily Amused.

April 8, 2009December 2, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

We pulled into the parking lot of the Intermarché. Olivier jumped out of the car while I grabbed the magic token that we use to unchain a shopping cart.Yeah, chains. Magic tokens. See, the carts are all chained together at the grocery stores in France. You need to have a Euro coin or a magic plastic token to stick in a little slot, thus releasing the chain and granting you shopping cart privileges.You can't get your coin back until you chain it up again, so it kind of sucks as far as stealing a shopping cart goes. You know, because sometimes you need one to pull jackass stunts and pranks.So, we walked around with our rented shopping cart and began tossing shit into it. Handing the list back & forth, neither one of us paying attention to what the other is putting in there. We go stand in one of the two very long lines. It's almost 7pm. The store's about...

International Internet Dating: Poop, Pajamas and Paris

March 25, 2009November 23, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

It was about 5 years ago. I was sitting in my apartment, writing in the dark, chain-smoking and getting drunk. I wasn't lonely, but I was. I had recently been dumped. Part of me was pissed. Part of me didn't give a shit. Another part of me wanted to be alone. Another part of me didn't.I briefly tried dating. I sucked at it. I wasn't into it. Asshole that I am, I sometimes didn't even show up for a date.Those online personal ads and dating sites kind of freaked me out. Sifting through people from the intoxicated comfort of my own home was somewhat appealing. I didn't have to sober up or bother with changing out of my dirty pajamas with the food stains running down the front.The problem was - I don't know if you've noticed - but there’s a lot of goddamn freaks on those sites. Sure, you might meet a normal one, but for every regular person...

Annoying Americans, Volume 3 – Ordering Food

March 17, 2009November 24, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

Ok, so imagine this: a group of people that you don't know come over to your house for dinner. They don't speak your language very well - they expect you, as the host, to comprehend everything that they say. They point & pantomime, occasionally spitting out a few words that you can understand.This group of strangers gag when they see the food that you set before them. They balk in their foreign tongue & ask for other food items that you've never heard of, as those things exist only in their country.They're obnoxious, rude & don't understand what the problem is.Of course, the problem could be that they're naturally assholian, but it's more likely that they're just ignorant.Which is worse? Um... does it matter?I've seen this happen here in Paris. It's fucking painful to watch. American tourists in restaurants & cafés who haven't the slightest clue about ordering food in France. To be fair, it can be confusing. However, I've...

Cheddar, Chorizo & Corned Beef…Oh, my!

March 13, 2009November 24, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

"Are you sure that there isn't anywhere that we can find Cheddar?"Olivier looked up at me, rubbing his beard. "I think the closest place is England," he said."You're hilarious," I said."Why? What is that you want to make?""Mexican food," I said. "I've had a craving for it ever since I moved here. In Colorado, I could just go to a Mexican restaurant, but there is a sad shortage of Mexicans here.""Oh." Olivier shrugged. "Well, I'm sure that we can find some sort of substitution."That was about 2 1/2 years ago. Since then, I've become an expert at fusion cooking. It started with a taco salad. No sour cream to go on top. Instead, I had to use crème fraîche. Since I had no grated Cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese, I had to use Cantal.We found some taco seasoning & salsa in the fancy section of the grocery store, where all of the imported food is kept, like peanut butter &...

13 Stinky French Cheeses

February 19, 2009November 29, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

As one might expect, moving to France required me to learn a few things. First of all, I've had to learn to speak French - which I don't do all that well. However, I've also had to learn about hundreds of stinky cheeses. My French speaking may need some work, but I do speak "fromage" very well... & let's face it - here in France, that might actually be more important. * * * 1 - Bleu d'Auvergne Bleu d'Auvergne is produced in the Massif Central between Puy-de-Dôme and Cantal. A cheese producer back in 1854 found some mold on his bread & thought to himself, "Hey, I bet this shit would be great if I mixed it with some cheese." Kind of like the chocolate & peanut butter guy, but with mold instead of chocolate & cheese instead of peanut butter.2 - Cantal Cantal is hard to semi-hard cheese from the Cantal region of France. It's one of the oldest cheeses in France...