French – Page 7 of 9 – Rasmenian Detritus

13 French Badasses

April 23, 2009November 29, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

No, that's not some sort of oxymoron. If there's anything that I've heard too many times since I've started living in France, it's people (particularly other Americans) talking trash about cowardly French. I'm calling bullshit on this whole "cheese-eating surrender monkey" theory. 1. Brennus - 4th Century BCE Brennus was chieftain of one of the Gallic tribes back in the day. In 387 BCE, Brennus led his army in an attack on Rome and entered the city in what is known as the Battle of Allia. After the Romans had received a rather embarrassing beating, they offered 1,000 pounds of gold to Brennus if he would just stop beating the shit out of them. Brennus accepted, but called bullshit on the Roman scale that was being used to weigh out his bribery payment. He whacked the scale with his sword and said, "vae victus!", or "Woe to the conquered!" Maybe he was just being difficult, but that's neither here nor there,...

Souricide. It’s Possible That I’m Easily Amused.

April 8, 2009December 2, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

We pulled into the parking lot of the Intermarché. Olivier jumped out of the car while I grabbed the magic token that we use to unchain a shopping cart.Yeah, chains. Magic tokens. See, the carts are all chained together at the grocery stores in France. You need to have a Euro coin or a magic plastic token to stick in a little slot, thus releasing the chain and granting you shopping cart privileges.You can't get your coin back until you chain it up again, so it kind of sucks as far as stealing a shopping cart goes. You know, because sometimes you need one to pull jackass stunts and pranks.So, we walked around with our rented shopping cart and began tossing shit into it. Handing the list back & forth, neither one of us paying attention to what the other is putting in there. We go stand in one of the two very long lines. It's almost 7pm. The store's about...

Annoying Americans, Volume 3 – Ordering Food

March 17, 2009November 24, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

Ok, so imagine this: a group of people that you don't know come over to your house for dinner. They don't speak your language very well - they expect you, as the host, to comprehend everything that they say. They point & pantomime, occasionally spitting out a few words that you can understand.This group of strangers gag when they see the food that you set before them. They balk in their foreign tongue & ask for other food items that you've never heard of, as those things exist only in their country.They're obnoxious, rude & don't understand what the problem is.Of course, the problem could be that they're naturally assholian, but it's more likely that they're just ignorant.Which is worse? Um... does it matter?I've seen this happen here in Paris. It's fucking painful to watch. American tourists in restaurants & cafés who haven't the slightest clue about ordering food in France. To be fair, it can be confusing. However, I've...

Cheddar, Chorizo & Corned Beef…Oh, my!

March 13, 2009November 24, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

"Are you sure that there isn't anywhere that we can find Cheddar?"Olivier looked up at me, rubbing his beard. "I think the closest place is England," he said."You're hilarious," I said."Why? What is that you want to make?""Mexican food," I said. "I've had a craving for it ever since I moved here. In Colorado, I could just go to a Mexican restaurant, but there is a sad shortage of Mexicans here.""Oh." Olivier shrugged. "Well, I'm sure that we can find some sort of substitution."That was about 2 1/2 years ago. Since then, I've become an expert at fusion cooking. It started with a taco salad. No sour cream to go on top. Instead, I had to use crème fraîche. Since I had no grated Cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese, I had to use Cantal.We found some taco seasoning & salsa in the fancy section of the grocery store, where all of the imported food is kept, like peanut butter &...

13 Stinky French Cheeses

February 19, 2009November 29, 2020 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

As one might expect, moving to France required me to learn a few things. First of all, I've had to learn to speak French - which I don't do all that well. However, I've also had to learn about hundreds of stinky cheeses. My French speaking may need some work, but I do speak "fromage" very well... & let's face it - here in France, that might actually be more important. * * * 1 - Bleu d'Auvergne Bleu d'Auvergne is produced in the Massif Central between Puy-de-Dôme and Cantal. A cheese producer back in 1854 found some mold on his bread & thought to himself, "Hey, I bet this shit would be great if I mixed it with some cheese." Kind of like the chocolate & peanut butter guy, but with mold instead of chocolate & cheese instead of peanut butter.2 - Cantal Cantal is hard to semi-hard cheese from the Cantal region of France. It's one of the oldest cheeses in France...

Annoying Americans, Volume 2 – The Phrase Book is Your Friend

February 17, 2009December 17, 2009 by Rasmenia Comment Closed

There's really no excuse for it. Yet people do it here in Paris all of the time. I've seen them doing it & I've overheard them in restaurants, shops & cafés. Worst yet - I've been with people when they've done it.American tourists speaking English...assuming that the French person they are speaking to also speaks English.There are really only a couple of reasons why an American would come over to France without taking the time before their trip to learn a few essential phrases: laziness & arrogance.Seriously, it doesn't take much time & it isn't such an extravagant expense to pick up one of these in preparation for a trip to France.Yet, a ridiculous number of people don't fucking bother with it. The book pictured above is less than $10. I purchased the same one a few years ago. It hardly broke the bank. I was still able to afford some Taco Bell & cigarettes later that day.Don't get me...