Writing Disease
"Against the disease of writing one must take special precautions, since it is a dangerous and contagious disease." -Peter Abelard...
The Unintentional Comedy of French Movie Titles
It recently occurred to me that I haven't made fun of any French weirdness in quite a while. I mean, it's been like, 2 whole blog posts ago. It's not that I'd stopped noticing, having grown accustomed & become part of the weirdness. Okay, okay... I may have become a wee part of the weirdness, but that doesn't mean I don't take notice of it.One thing that has been a constantly baffling source of amusement here is the French titles for American movies. This isn't something confounding only to Americans, either. There are plenty of savvy French movie goers who understand the absurdity & hilarity of the French titles, but those bizarre titles keep showing up, anyway.It often seems that there is no rhyme or reason to it. After seeing countless movie posters, TV spots & theater signs, there is no discernible pattern to this madness. Believe me, I've tried to make sense of it. I can't do it.Sometimes, they...
The Ride to Delphi
We climbed aboard the bus to Delphi and took a gander at the other passengers. A few elderly couples, a few 40 or 50-somethings. A woman with her nose in a book and one couple with a little boy. All together, there was only about 20 of us in the group."We lucked out," Olivier said. "The bus isn't even half-full and there's only one little kid, who doesn't seem annoying."Me and my husband, we're just not kid people. I watched the little boy, who leaned across the aisle toward his father and said, "Excuse me, Dad, but why are there no buses that fly?"I nodded, satisfied. "Yeah, I think we're good."The door closed. The tour guide introduced herself. It would be a 3-hour trip to Delphi, where we would see the archeological site, then the museum, then lunch.Our guide spent the 3 hours recounting various tales from Greek history; several Greek myths relating to Apollo and to the various sites and...
Philosophy, Foul Fruit & Facial Hair in Athens
It was almost midnight when we jumped on the bus at the airport in Athens. The ride from the airport to the city was long, but the bus moved fast, whooshing us past hundreds of signs written in Greek that we couldn't understand. A little while later, we reached the terminus and stepped out on to the street. Standing there to greet us: a man in a suit with a soul patch. The silvery-metallic sheen of his hair, the same as his suit. His purple shirt was unbuttoned way too low - like, Bee Gees low."Taxi?" He leads us across the street to his car, throws our suitcase in the trunk. I crawl in the seat behind him. Olivier gets in next to me. Soul Patch gets in and his seat is reclined so far that he's almost laying down. Thanks a lot, Soul Patch. We tell him we're going to the Apollo Hotel on Achilleos street. He lights up a cigarette...
13 Hilarious French Intros for American TV Shows
1. The Dukes of Hazzard French Title: Shérif, fais-moi peur! Literal Translation: Sheriff, Frighten Me! Sample Lyric: Country Life/Is the one I have chosen/I can rip your fog/With a single guitar chord The Hilarity: Look, Waylon Jennings was just damn cool... but he wasn't ripping any fog. And what in the hell is singing this? Is that a lady's voice? Is it a dude who's been sucking on helium? A gnome? What? httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGuHQVYy9Yw&feature=related 2. The A-Team French Title: L'agence tous risques Literal Translation: The Risk Everything Agency Sample Lyric: The A-Team is really/The last chance of the moment/In danger, those kings of cool/Those travelers without a visa/Fought the good fight The Hilarity: The original intro didn't even have lyrics. Nope. None. It was an instrumental... remember? However, traveling without a visa... that isn't very funny. That is just careless. httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsqp6Kpz7lE&playnext=1&list=PL95FC0BD50B6E7021 3. Starsky & Hutch French Title: Starsky et Hutch Sample Lyric: Starsky and Hutch/Starsky and Hutch/New knights with the big heart/But never afraid of anything/Starsky and Hutch/ Starsky and Hutch/Two cops laughing and dreaming...
House Hunting, Humidity & Humiliation
"Never make a decision when you need to pee." -Leonard Cohen * The GPS on the dashboard said we were still 20 minutes away from Épernon. This Saturday morning was the fourth Saturday morning in a row in which Olivier and I had woken at 6am to make the hour-long drive to Épernon or Rambouillet. Maybe it was the fifth Saturday. I've lost track. Four or five Saturdays in a row. Rising early. Spending the day in our car, or in the car of another real estate agent. We've met five of those, now. Or maybe six. I don't remember. Don't ask me how many houses we've wandered in and out of in an effort to find one that we can fall in love with. I'd say about twenty. Twenty houses. Maybe thirty. I can't recall. Anyway... where was I? Oh, right. The dashboard. The GPS. 20 minutes. I looked over at Olivier. "Um... I have to pee," I said. "Didn't you just go before we left the house?" "Yeah. But that...