Pride and Profanity

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"I'm not gonna say anything inspirational; I'm just gonna fucking swear a lot." ~ Billie Joe Armstrong * If you're easily offended, turn back now. I'm giving you this warning not because I care about your feelings, but because I don't want to deal with your pissing and moaning regarding your wounded sensibilities. I'm giving you this warning because I say what I want to and find the whining of those who feel it is their duty to police others' language to be petty and irritating. That being said, if you're going to lose your shit over a few F-Bombs, close your browser now, or forever shut the hell up about it. I've had it brought to my attention in the fairly recent past that I use a lot of profanity in my writing. While this has come from a few different places and didn't really surprise me much, it was pointless to tell me about it. I'm well aware of the fact that this blog...
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There & Back Again, Part 4 – Bathrooms, Burritos & Beheadings

There & Back Again, Part 4 – Bathrooms, Burritos & Beheadings

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
So, there we were, a frozen December night in Tulsa, with our faces pressed against the cold, dirty glass, staring at our empty bus.  The Greyhound station was small.  The movies had gotten worse - instead of Billy Bob Thornton, we were now trying to avoid looking at the screen as an estrogen-soaked Lifetime movie cackled in the background.Olivier & I went outside while I shivered & cursed.  The Greyhound employee inside had informed us that we would be stranded until 3:30am, when the next bus for Amarillo, TX was due to arrive.  If we could get a seat on that bus.  We tried to come up with some sort of plan to get ourselves out of Tulsa.  What we came up with was... jack shit.We went back inside & ran into the kid with the Hari Krishna hair.  "I saw a bar down the street," he said.  "I really like beer.  I make my own brews at home."Olivier &...
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Souricide. It’s Possible That I’m Easily Amused.

Souricide. It’s Possible That I’m Easily Amused.

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
We pulled into the parking lot of the Intermarché. Olivier jumped out of the car while I grabbed the magic token that we use to unchain a shopping cart.Yeah, chains. Magic tokens. See, the carts are all chained together at the grocery stores in France. You need to have a Euro coin or a magic plastic token to stick in a little slot, thus releasing the chain and granting you shopping cart privileges.You can't get your coin back until you chain it up again, so it kind of sucks as far as stealing a shopping cart goes. You know, because sometimes you need one to pull jackass stunts and pranks.So, we walked around with our rented shopping cart and began tossing shit into it. Handing the list back & forth, neither one of us paying attention to what the other is putting in there. We go stand in one of the two very long lines. It's almost 7pm. The store's about...
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Secrets & Sexy Stirry Sticks

Secrets & Sexy Stirry Sticks

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
All three of us, Olivier, my mother-in-law & myself, all decided that it would have to be Thai food for lunch.  Sure, there are plenty of restaurants in the 11th arrondissement of Paris, but the Thai restaurant down the street was the only thing that would be able to satisfy us.  We had been thinking about it all morning & now we all had a strong craving.After we had been seated, we ordered our food & some drinks.  I watched people wrapped in coats & scarves as they passed by the window, moving around in different directions, none of them paying any attention to one another.The conversation between the three of us moved in & out from English to French to Frenglish, then back to English again.  I tried to follow along, but couldn't think of anything except for my nems, wondering when they would arrive.However, as soon as the waiter brought our drinks, I forgot about the nems.  The...
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The French Flunch

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
During the past year & a half that I have been living in Paris, I've naturally eaten at several French restaurants. The French love food & are (rightfully so) very proud of the food here.It often seems that there is a restaurant on every street. There are places with names such as: Taillevent, Le Dôme, L'Epi Dupin, La Charcuterie & La Tour d'Argent.All of those fancy-sounding French names are typical…but what wasn't so typical & the name that came as the biggest surprise to me was: Flunch.Fucking FLUNCH?How does this sound at all appetizing? Obviously, whomever the mental giant was that came up with this one needs to be punched in the brain. It seems quite apparent to me that there are much more suitable uses for a word such as "flunch"."Damn…I just stepped in flunch." "Stop flunching my leg." "Some sick bastard just flunched all over the bathroom floor."I've decided to work this word into my vernacular. While words such as...
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Le Scénoparc: Home of the Bovine Poop Chute

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
On the second day of our vacation, Olivier, Cat and I were safely in Parensol. After lunch, we took off with Olivier's mother, Corinne, to go to a place called Le Scénoparc. This is basically an outdoor park with bovine animals and information on the origins of bovines. A Moo Cow Zoo. When we arrived, we saw a couple of locals with heads bowed worshiping the large, prehistoric bovine head near the entrance.We walked through the park looking at the yaks, bison, reindeer and cows... then we happened upon a couple of goats. The goats aren't afraid of the humans, as Olivier and his mother have demonstrated. In fact, I don't think the goats gave a shit about much besides noshing. But the highlight of the day for me was when we came across a giant cow shitting out laughing, squealing children. A large sculpture of a cow had been constructed of wood and some engineering genius had decided that this...
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