Ketchup, Indiana & Buffalo – Hold the Eggs

Ketchup, Indiana & Buffalo – Hold the Eggs

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually waste away, and eventually die." -Mark Twain, 'A Tramp Abroad'"Americans can eat garbage, provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup, mustard, chili sauce, Tabasco sauce, cayenne pepper, or any other condiment which destroys the original flavor of the dish." -Henry Miller...It's strange the everyday things you find yourself wanting when they stop being everyday things.  For the past 3 years, I've found myself wanting every single day.Cool Ranch flavor Doritos.  Arby's Beef & Cheddar.  Sour cream.  New York style cheesecake.  Welch's grape jelly that tastes like purple.You know, American food.Olivier is frequently on the look out for American grocery stores & restaurants in a never-ending effort to keep me & my food cravings under control.One of the first "American" restaurants I had tried in Paris was the Indiana Café, which claims to be a Tex-Mex restaurant.Of course,...
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The French Flunch

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
During the past year & a half that I have been living in Paris, I've naturally eaten at several French restaurants. The French love food & are (rightfully so) very proud of the food here.It often seems that there is a restaurant on every street. There are places with names such as: Taillevent, Le Dôme, L'Epi Dupin, La Charcuterie & La Tour d'Argent.All of those fancy-sounding French names are typical…but what wasn't so typical & the name that came as the biggest surprise to me was: Flunch.Fucking FLUNCH?How does this sound at all appetizing? Obviously, whomever the mental giant was that came up with this one needs to be punched in the brain. It seems quite apparent to me that there are much more suitable uses for a word such as "flunch"."Damn…I just stepped in flunch." "Stop flunching my leg." "Some sick bastard just flunched all over the bathroom floor."I've decided to work this word into my vernacular. While words such as...
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Everyone Has a Superpower

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
Every time my husband hits "pause" on the TV, it never fails to freeze the image of the person on the screen in an absolutely hilarious moment.The actor's face is frozen in the most unflattering expression, their body contorted leaving them looking hilariously fucked-up.That's his superpower.I have a superpower, too. Besides having the ability to make even very shitty dollar bills work in just about any vending machine, I also have animal-like claws. Yep, it's true. They grow at an unusually fast rate. I have to cut them every couple of weeks with a pair of those big-ass toenail clippers, but only after I've just gotten out of a very long and hot shower to get them into a semi-soft state. They are so hard that they almost never break. When they do break, it generally requires some quick, violent action and it's like snapping a piece of plastic; a loss of flesh and a great deal of blood is...
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Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 5

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 1Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 2Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 3Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 41. Bottleneck the escalator. Whenever you happen to find yourself at a busy place with an escalator, be sure to hop on. Once you've reached the end of the escalator ride, step off, and then just stand there.Other passengers of the escalator will enjoy the challenge of trying to get around you or smacking into you as they attempt to jump off of the moving steps.You can also do this at any stairwell, but let's face it. It isn't as much fun without the threat of being sucked under at the escalator.This seems to be one of the most popular activities in all of Paris. No matter where you go, some fun-loving dipshit is always standing at the top or bottom of a very crowded stairwell or escalator.2. Make a kamikaze exit....
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Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 4

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 1Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 2Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 31. Play sidewalk cock block. This can be done anytime: while out running errands, sight seeing, or anytime you have nothing better to do.Simply walk on any street in the city, and as soon as you sense someone walking behind you, stop moving. Just as the person tries to pass you, begin moving again.Remember, the object of the game is to never, ever let anyone pass you. You want to absolutely hinder any progress that they may have been making to get from A to B.Sidewalk cock block is most challenging when played as a solo activity, but can be much more entertaining when played with a group of your friends. You can take up the entire width of the pavement, creating a more effective and unnerving obstacle!2. Perform a chunky suicide. All you have to do for this one is head...
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Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 2

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
Just in case you've missed Vol. 1 and have no idea what I'm talking about: Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 1If you still have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, I can't help you there.1. Mock the tourists. This one is quite self-explanatory. Just head off to any one of the many popular tourist attractions in the city and you'll have hours of free entertainment.Generally, you will find that the Americans are often easy to spot due not only to their high volume, but also because they frequently travel in packs. While individual American tourists can be a bit boring, tourist families with cameras slung from their necks as well as maps and brochures in hand have a much higher entertainment value and typically have a higher mockability rating.Spending time in the parking lots of tourist attractions is often time well spent. Just have a seat anywhere with a good view of the large buses pulling in...
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