Annoying Americans, Volume 1 – Blending In

Annoying Americans, Volume 1 – Blending In

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
There's a strange phenomenon that occurs after living in France even for a very short time.  It's a little odd, but it does happen.It doesn't take very long, but eventually, you can forget how to speak English.Now, don't get the wrong idea.  Maybe what you're thinking is, "Wow...being immersed in the French language can actually push English right out of your brain?"Of course that isn't what I mean.  Don't be asinine.  Besides, what kind of dolt forgets their native language like that?Here's an example:One not so very interesting day, I decided to take my camera & go for a stroll through the Montmartre Cemetery.  I'm all alone & searching for the grave of Degas.  I'm having no luck, so I head back to entrance so that I can take a gander at the map.That's when I saw them.  The four of them were wearing matching T-shirts that read "Paris", all spelled out in glitter.  They were wearing their matching backpacks,...
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Leaving Paris

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
It's been over a year now that Olivier & I have been battling with our upstairs neighbors, Hedwig & the Banshee. We've talked, argued & pleaded with them.They whined, complained & threatened to escalate the situation. We filed complaints with the Paris police - their shitty habits are just too damn annoying & disruptive. Although, to be fair...the majority of people living in our building don't seem to be familiar with how to be a good neighbor.It's not just the neighbors in the building. As I sit here writing this, I'm listening to the screams & chatter coming from the elementary school & junior high just behind our building.Eh...our apartment is too small, anyway.We've repainted all of the rooms & repaired all of the floors.We got in touch with an agency here in Paris that will rent the apartment from us & will use it to house families in need.Ok, then...all we had to do was...
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No Shower = Idiot Repellant

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
One thing I really cannot stand is a ringing doorbell or phone while I'm eating. The fact that she came to our door as we were sitting in front of the TV stuffing out faces got her off to a really bad start.Olivier answered the door and found her standing there. Without saying "hello" or even introducing herself, she asked him if he spoke English. He told her that he did. For some reason, she continued to speak her shitty French in a German accent.Evidently, a neighbor had told her that Olivier is a professional computer geek. She said that she was in school and needed internet access to finish... I don't know - something for school. She insisted that Olivier come to her apartment and fix her computer so that she could use another neighbor's wireless connection. It was "urgent" she said.First she said that she had internet access, then she didn't. Obviously, this person was lying. My theory...
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Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 3

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
Just in case you've missed the first 2 weeks of class:Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 1 Big City Dip Shit Games Vol. 21. Go bus seat wrestling. This is a good way to pass the time on any city bus as you make your way to your destination.Just stand in the bus and wait for some poor sucker to walk over to an empty seat and place your body between the person and the seat. If they seem to be ignoring you, they're most likely faking. That's just how the game is played. Give them a little nudge to let them know: game on!To make this more fun, start jabbering nonsensical sentence fragments at your opponent in a foreign language. When you see the expression of helpless confusion on their face, give them a good shove.2. Sell black market cigarettes. All you have to do is buy cheap cigarettes in another country, smuggle them across the border and then stand...
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Living in a Rubik’s Cube & Janitorial Jacki

Living in a Rubik’s Cube & Janitorial Jacki

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
When I first moved in with Olivier, this little apartment in Montmartre looked more like a Rubik's Cube than an apartment. The living room was Easter yellow, the foyer, an obnoxious bright orange. Or, what I like to call "traffic cone orange." These areas were of course taking attention away from the purple bedroom and the bright green kitchen with the fire-engine red floor. What baffled me the most was that the little room with the toilet was painted brown. I always assumed that this was intended to provide inspiration for the occupant. Naturally, we've spent plenty of time over the past year working on repairs and some more visually friendly color schemes, so as to avoid any more sensory overload in the eyes. So, if anyone has any illusions as to life in Paris being at all glamorous......if that is not enough to convince you, then maybe a shot of yours truly doing an impression of a high school janitor in her husband's...
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