French Table Manners

French Table Manners

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
From time to time, I'll read blogs and articles that have been written by other expats living in France. Some of these people are "travel experts." Others are people who have visited Paris once or twice. Many are expats like myself.One topic that always seems to come up is French table manners. It seems that many Americans are confused about French table manners and possibly, even a bit intimidated.That's silly. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's just people eating food. And besides, they've done away with the guillotine over here.I am not a travel expert (what the hell does that mean, anyway?) and I'm not snobbish enough to have earned the joy of having an etiquette stick shoved up my ass, but I likely know more than the average tourist and my opposable thumbs have allowed me to use a knife and fork for the past few years without a major incident. There are a few things I've read...
Read More
The Birthday Mud Jump

The Birthday Mud Jump

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
"I think I can make it," I said, taking a few steps back.Olivier was looking down at the small stream. "Are you sure?" He laughed, just a little. "It's kind of far. It might be too far to jump. We can find another way around it.""No way," I said, taking a few more steps back. "I just need a running start.""Okay," he said, shrugging. I watched him as he stepped across the water and mud. "You're sure, now? I can help you across, you know.""Nah... fuck that," I said. "It's no more than 3 feet. I can do it."I stood there in my pajamas, in the middle of the forest. It was Olivier's birthday and we decided to take a detour through the forest before going to the bakery to pick up his cake.I took a look around, too see if there were any possible eyewitnesses in the forest before I made my daring leap.There was no one besides Olivier...
Read More
Souricide. It’s Possible That I’m Easily Amused.

Souricide. It’s Possible That I’m Easily Amused.

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
We pulled into the parking lot of the Intermarché. Olivier jumped out of the car while I grabbed the magic token that we use to unchain a shopping cart.Yeah, chains. Magic tokens. See, the carts are all chained together at the grocery stores in France. You need to have a Euro coin or a magic plastic token to stick in a little slot, thus releasing the chain and granting you shopping cart privileges.You can't get your coin back until you chain it up again, so it kind of sucks as far as stealing a shopping cart goes. You know, because sometimes you need one to pull jackass stunts and pranks.So, we walked around with our rented shopping cart and began tossing shit into it. Handing the list back & forth, neither one of us paying attention to what the other is putting in there. We go stand in one of the two very long lines. It's almost 7pm. The store's about...
Read More
The Megaliths of Carnac

The Megaliths of Carnac

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
Okay, so maybe you thought that I was all done with talking about Brittany. Well, you're wrong, because I'm not.One of the more famous locations in Bretagne is the megalithic site in Carnac, a ridiculously large collection of Neolithic menhirs, or standing stones. The legend says that the stones are a Roman legion that was turned to stone by Merlin, which is why the megaliths are standing next to one another, lined up in perfect formation.Well, that may be true, but it seems to me that if they were men turned into stone, then they would look more like men somehow. I mean, I saw Clash of the Titans and I also saw that episode of Hercules where the men from the local village were being turned to stone.I know how men look once they've been turned to stone.The truth is, the menhirs of Carnac were brought there by a menhir delivery man by the name of Obelix, as those...
Read More
Funky Fresh Fate

Funky Fresh Fate

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
I walked out of the pooping closet and informed my husband, "From now on, you will address me as Super Ferret Funky Fresh."Olivier pulled the toothbrush from his mouth. "Why?" He asked, slightly muffled by foam."It's my hip-hop name. I decided that I needed one just now when I was pooping," I said.He shrugged and turned to spit into the sink. "Okay. Super Ferret Funky Fresh. Got it."The next morning, I was informed that I would now be referring to Olivier as Hyper Furry From the Galaxy. There was really only one thing left for us to do: sing a theme tune.Which we did. It was only a matter of time before we had a hyper-funky mix safely stored away in iTunes.Several months later, we were walking through the mall in Créteil after another annoying visa-related visit. We passed a myriad of the typical stores that one would expect to find in a mall.We eventually came upon one particularly in-your-face...
Read More
Fantastic Pharmacy Fun

Fantastic Pharmacy Fun

by Rasmenia Comment Closed
One thing that you can always find in Paris is a pharmacie. Any time that you're out walking around in the streets, just take a look around you & no doubt you will see the neon green cross that will guide your way toward the salvation that only prescription medicine, band aids & medicated ointments can provide.Naturally, once you get inside, it's a bit smaller than most American drug stores & it's all business in there.Perhaps you're thinking, "Well, of course it's all business...it's a damn pharmacy. What else would you do in there?"Well, here's the thing: at some American drug stores, say...like a Walgreen's, there is a lot more to do inside. You don't even have to need any prescription medication, band aids or medicated ointments to have a good time in there. Really, you don't even have to buy anything. Just peruse the aisles for something ridiculous - which you will have no problem finding - & have...
Read More