French Table Manners

French Table Manners

From time to time, I'll read blogs and articles that have been written by other expats living in France. Some of these people are "travel experts." Others are people who have visited Paris once or twice. Many are expats like myself.One topic that always seems to come up is French table manners. It seems that many Americans are confused about French table manners and possibly, even a bit intimidated.That's silly. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's just people eating food. And besides, they've done away with the guillotine over here.I am not a travel expert (what the hell does that mean, anyway?) and I'm not snobbish enough to have earned the joy of having an etiquette stick shoved up my ass, but I likely know more than the average tourist and my opposable thumbs have allowed me to use a knife and fork for the past few years without a major incident. There are a few things I've read...
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Annoying Americans, Volume 2 – The Phrase Book is Your Friend

Annoying Americans, Volume 2 – The Phrase Book is Your Friend

There's really no excuse for it.  Yet people do it here in Paris all of the time.  I've seen them doing it & I've overheard them in restaurants, shops & cafés.  Worst yet - I've been with people when they've done it.American tourists speaking English...assuming that the French person they are speaking to also speaks English.There are really only a couple of reasons why an American would come over to France without taking the time before their trip to learn a few essential phrases: laziness & arrogance.Seriously, it doesn't take much time & it isn't such an extravagant expense to pick up one of these in preparation for a trip to France.Yet, a ridiculous number of people don't fucking bother with it.  The book pictured above is less than $10.  I purchased the same one a few years ago.  It hardly broke the bank.  I was still able to afford some Taco Bell & cigarettes later that day.Don't get me...
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Annoying Americans, Volume 1 – Blending In

Annoying Americans, Volume 1 – Blending In

There's a strange phenomenon that occurs after living in France even for a very short time.  It's a little odd, but it does happen.It doesn't take very long, but eventually, you can forget how to speak English.Now, don't get the wrong idea.  Maybe what you're thinking is, "Wow...being immersed in the French language can actually push English right out of your brain?"Of course that isn't what I mean.  Don't be asinine.  Besides, what kind of dolt forgets their native language like that?Here's an example:One not so very interesting day, I decided to take my camera & go for a stroll through the Montmartre Cemetery.  I'm all alone & searching for the grave of Degas.  I'm having no luck, so I head back to entrance so that I can take a gander at the map.That's when I saw them.  The four of them were wearing matching T-shirts that read "Paris", all spelled out in glitter.  They were wearing their matching backpacks,...
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The Megaliths of Carnac

The Megaliths of Carnac

Okay, so maybe you thought that I was all done with talking about Brittany. Well, you're wrong, because I'm not.One of the more famous locations in Bretagne is the megalithic site in Carnac, a ridiculously large collection of Neolithic menhirs, or standing stones. The legend says that the stones are a Roman legion that was turned to stone by Merlin, which is why the megaliths are standing next to one another, lined up in perfect formation.Well, that may be true, but it seems to me that if they were men turned into stone, then they would look more like men somehow. I mean, I saw Clash of the Titans and I also saw that episode of Hercules where the men from the local village were being turned to stone.I know how men look once they've been turned to stone.The truth is, the menhirs of Carnac were brought there by a menhir delivery man by the name of Obelix, as those...
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